:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Sunday, December 21, 2003 ::

What Is a Leatherman? Master Dean Walradt: A Tribute

Many of our readers may have known Dean Walradt of Dallas, Texas. Master Dean passed away on December 15th after a lengthy illness. I knew Dean for a long time. We served together on the National Leather Association- Dallas Executive Committee, we co-founded and produced both the boys' Training Camp and the Masters' Retreat. Master Dean and Leather by Boots sponsored me and slave marsha in the International Master and slave Contest. Most importantly, we were friends. This post is written as a tribute to Dean Walradt.

Developing a definition for the term "leatherman" may best be done by process of elimination. One does not become a leatherman by buying and wearing leather, although leathermen do wear leather. One does not become a leatherman by assuming a certain identity in the community -- Master, Daddy, Top, bottom, boy, slave, or switch -- for a leatherman can be any of those. One does not become a leatherman by frequenting the local leather bar or leather events, although many leathermen do both. One does not become a leatherman by developing and using SM skills, although many leathermen are accomplished practitioners of the art of SM. And one certainly does not become a leatherman by self-proclamation, for leathermen have no need to tell others who and what they are.

Being a leatherman is a state of mind, an identity, a being. Just as the wearing of full leather---combat boots, chaps, harness, vest, and, if appropriate, a Master's cover--- does not make one into a leatherman, taking off those leathers does not take away a leatherman's identity. Once one becomes a leatherman that is who he is whether he is wearing full leathers, a simple leather vest over a black tee-shirt with 501s and boots, or a suit and tie as he goes on a business trip.

Being a leatherman means that one is "old school." A leatherman has a knowledge and sense of leather history. He acknowledges and honors the traditions of the past, without being tradition-bound. He is attracted by formality, order, and discipline. He knows who the leather forefathers were, he knows who the elders in the community are now, and most of all he honors and respects his history and those who made it. He know the leather pride flag, the hanky code (even if he can only remember a few of the colors), and what IML stands for. He understands what protocol is and what it is not. He knows that the "old guard" is both fiction and reality.

Being a leatherman means that one has an awareness and understanding of the leather community. A leatherman knows that he is not alone, that he has leather brothers and sisters who come together to make a whole that is far greater than the sum of its individual parts. A leatherman knows that in some way he must give something back to the community through his involvement in it and that he cannot live in isolation.

Being a leatherman means that you have been accepted by the leather community, for it is the community that defines a leatherman. A leatherman demonstrates through words and deeds who and what he is and the community takes him in.

Who then was Dean Walradt? As we all are, Dean was many things. He was a father, grandfather, partner, lover, friend, and mentor. He was outspoken, bullheaded, and ornery. He was kind, friendly, and quiet. I knew all of these sides of Dean Walradt and I called him my friend, I called him my leather brother, and above all else, I called him what he was and still is --- a leatherman.

In leather and with respect,

Master Jim

:: 11:01 AM [+] ::
...

Per a Request

This past weekend, i gave the keynote speech at the Southwest Leather Weekend in Phoenix. Master Jim received a few requests for the text of my speech, so i've posted it here. Just look to the left side of the page, where all of the links are posted. Master Jim's keynote address from the Master's Retreat also is linked there -- if you read both of our speeches, i hope you see that they are intended to echo one another.

As always, thanks for reading...

--slave marsha

:: 8:30 AM [+] ::
...

And Now, For Something Completely Different -- Bootblacking, Butches and Femmes

i don't do a lot of creative writing, but recently i wrote a very short piece about a bootblacking session. The piece doesn't speak to Mastery and slavery, except in a very peripheral way -- but if you enjoy bootblacking or the butch/femme dynamic, you might find it interesting.

Just a couple of notes about the piece.

First, i got the idea for it from something the bootblack in the story wrote to me. This is essentially a companion piece to what he wrote to me.

Second, for those of you not familiar with the butch identity, the bootblack/butch in this story is, indeed, a woman. He, like some other butches, prefers to be referred to with male pronouns.

i hope you enjoy it... and rest assured, we'll return to the regularly scheduled program of Mastery and slavery very soon.

--slave marsha

*****************************************

Boots to Flirt With

i watch him as he blacks my Owner's boots. Hands sure, intimate with polish and brush and cloth. Not one of these new "bootblacks" who do it because it's trendy -- oh, no. This is a Bootblack, one who has studied and reveres an old and honored tradition.

And he's a butch.

How few there are in my community. And even fewer who still hear the song... the song that calls the femme to dance.

i watch.

Soon, my Owner turns to me and says,

“There’s time for your boots, too.”

Oh god. i panic a little inside. For while i am a femme i am also a slave... no tight corsets to support and flaunt my breasts... no skin tight skirts slit to my thigh... no heels, high, higher, highest, to help me walk like the woman i am. No plumage to attract and announce to the butch... here i am. Come to me. Join with me.

Just me. Simple black blouse, plain black skirt. And boots. Combat boots, as my Owner requires.

Maybe this butch, this bootblack, will understand.

Suddenly, i am embarassed by my boots. No matter how hard i try to keep them nice, the toes are usually scuffed from kneeling. Mentally, i shake my head. This is a bootblack. And a butch. Maybe he will understand.

i slide into his chair. He lifts my feet to his thighs and smiles a little. Inside, i give a sigh of relief. i feel his hands on my feet through the boots. Thank god... someone who understands that bootblacking is about more than shining the boots -- it's about a connection. A physical connection. He touches my feet through the boots... and my whole body, too.

i watch him as he works on the boots, trying to follow the technical details, because i do love bootblacking. i know i'm not very good at it, and so i love to watch those who have the gift and who have honed it. But i keep losing track... because this is a bootblack... and a butch.

We talk a little. And i surprise myself by saying,

“You are an old school butch.”

He is, after all. It's so clear to me. Far away, i hear music.

He says, “You like butches.”

Oh yes, i want to say... i like butches. i like the way they look and feel and smell and taste. i like the way they offer me their hand and open the door for me. i like the way i feel delicate and precious and strong all at once when i take their arm.

my mind snaps back. i realize he is telling me that he has no partner. What? This butch, this rare and priceless butch has no partner? Are all the femmes in the world blind?

He begins licking my boots and i give up. i lean forward, crooning into his ear... nails on his back, fingers in his hair. Smell and sound and sight of a butch. The music grows louder in my head.

He brings my booted foot to his chest. Then his crotch. my mouth is dry....

Too soon, far too soon, he is done. i know people have been staring, walking by... i don't care. Does no one in the world honor the music of the butch and the femme anymore? Is that sound so... strange... even discordant... in our community?

i don't care. i hear it. And i know he does, too.

i rise from his chair, knees weak. How do i thank him? How do you thank someone who has given you back your essence? Who has taken you as you are... and in everything he does, tells you that what you are is good and right and has a place in the world.

i try to offer him the traditional tip for a bootblack... for he has performed his art and craft beautifully on my boots. And his butch magic on my soul.

"No, ma'am," he says.

Then a kiss is all i have. All i can give this butch who has given me so much.

And so, with my femme soul on my lips, i kiss his cheek. i can hear the music again, swirling around me, calling me. my feet in my beautifully shined boots want to move in time to it. A femme dancing in combat boots... yes... i am a femme in boots.

Boots to flirt with. Boots to dance with.

:: 11:59 AM [+] ::
...

Discuss Amongst Yourselves

If you haven't found it already, there is a link on the left hand side of the page called "Discuss Edgeliving." Clicking it will take you to a discussion board where you're welcome to post about what you read here -- or about anything else relating to M/s or D/s relationships. Right now, there's a great discussion going on about that old favorite -- "What's the difference between a submissive and a slave?"

So, please enjoy.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

--slave marsha

:: 11:25 AM [+] ::
...

Alert the Media! Master Jim Has a Sense of Humor…

i hope i’ve given all of you enough time to recover from the swoon undoubtedly induced by the discovery that Master Jim has a sense of humor. If not, feel free to rejoin us when you feel better.

Seriously, it continues to surprise me to discover how people in the leather/SM community view my life with Master Jim. Those views often fall into one of two categories:

View 1. No one can possibly live in a Master/slave relationship on a 24/7 basis. Therefore, what we in the community see must just be an elaborate role play that is dumped the minute you hit the front door and the two of you secretly interact as equal partners. Because we all know that’s how it’s got to be.

View 2. This Master/slave stuff is serious business. No laughter or fun is allowed. Master Jim spends all day laying down the law and giving me commands in a stern and Masterly voice. marsha is some sort of brainwashed, animatronic figure (some assembly required) with no feelings, no sense of humor and no thoughts of her own.

Let’s take each of these views in turn, shall we?

The life i live as a slave is not role play. As Master Jim noted in His post, Master and slave is who we are. We don’t shed our identities as Master and slave when we hit the front door. (Although Master Jim, who at heart is truly a nudist, has been known to start shedding clothing before the front door closes. Okay, maybe that’s too much information, even for me.) i really do call Him “Master Jim” or “Sir” all the time. i really don’t use furniture at home, except when working at the computer or sleeping in the bed. i really am required to obey and serve Him.

But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t laughter and fun… which leads us to View 2.

Yeah, this Master/slave stuff is serious business. It’s about life and living our calling – and it doesn’t get more serious than that. But serious does not mean “without fun.” We really do go places and do things. Master Jim actually does things like riding roller coasters, and when He does, His scream is somewhat less than stern and Masterly. (Note: If there are any biological male boys out there who would like to serve by riding those roller coasters with Him, please submit an application to me. i hate the things.) He does not spend His day reeling off commands and demanding blow jobs. In fact, He's been known to take out the trash, cook a nice meal and even... wait for it... go shopping at a mall. i am a real, fully rounded human being who laughs and cries and feels joy and pain. I’ve been known to have a thought or two of my own.

All of this really leads to Master Jim’s main point – from time to time, we should stop and focus on the miracle of this Master/slave relationship.

And it is a miracle to me.

How did i, of all the people who are searching for an Owner, find one? An Owner who is ethical. Who is committed to walking the path of Mastery and slavery as far as He can. Who is willing to shoulder the unbelievable responsibility of owning another human. Who is strong enough to own me.

How have He and i maintained this relationship in the face of everything that so easily could have destroyed it? And managed to keep laughing?

i truly am blessed. i have been given the opportunity to walk the path of my calling, to grow as a slave. What i have been given is beyond “fun.” It is joy.

i am a slave.

In that single sentence is the joy of my life.

i’ll remember that, Sir. Thank You for reminding me.

--slave marsha

:: 3:43 PM [+] ::
...

Master Gloom and slave doom

“slave doom!”

“Yes, Sir Master Gloom, Sir.”

“slave doom, what do you see on the path ahead?”

“Sir, Master Gloom, Sir. i see a dark trail strewn with rocks and boulders, pitted with deep holes. The path is most treacherous, Sir, Master Gloom, Sir.”

“slave doom, can you see no light? Not even a dim beacon to help guide the way along the perilous path?”

“Sir, Master Gloom Sir. The only light i ever see is the brief flicker of a match when you light the very occasional cigar. A light that is quickly extinguished, Sir, Master Gloom, Sir.”

“slave doom, I must find a way to light the path.”

"Sir, Master Gloom, Sir. Perhaps Sir, you should smoke more cigars, Sir, Master Gloom, Sir.”

*************************************

A dark and lonely path… a treacherous life-long journey… danger around every turn. In looking back through the posts on this website, I have come to the conclusion that Master Jim and slave marsha might be better known as Master Gloom and slave doom!

When this website was launched, I pledged that we would write honestly and openly about Mastery and slavery. An important part of being honest and open is not to ignore or minimize the difficulties one faces when choosing to walk the M/s path. Since there are so many problems and difficulties to choose from, it is very easy to focus on them when deciding on what to write. While there is no question that we must discuss problems, for it is the problems that will most likely end an M/s relationship, it is also important to celebrate this path and this way of life.

I am a Master and I own a slave. It is impossible to convey both the pride and the joy I feel when I write that statement. The fact of the matter is that even I, the Master and Owner of a slave, do not take time often enough to simply contemplate the rich meaning of that simple statement.

I am a Master and I own a slave. Amazing isn’t it? I own another human being who adores me, who serves me, who puts my will and desires over hers. In return, I offer ethical ownership, assume complete responsibility, and provide opportunities to serve. Together we are on an amazing journey, a journey filled with wonder and excitement. This website serves as reminder that there are many dangers along the way, but it is equally important to remember that more often than not, these dangers are far outweighed by the by a sense of contentment and fulfillment.

If I am to be open and honest and my M/s relationship on this website, it is important to tell you about another side to my M/s journey. That side is the enjoyment – the fun – that Mastery has brought into my life. I like being with slave marsha. I enjoy her company. We laugh, and have fun together. We ride Harleys. (Well, I ride a Harley and slave marsha is learning to ride on a Honda, but I overlook that.) We go out to dinner, we go to the movies, we watch DVDs (even some that are not porn), we go on non-leather trips and – gasp – we even go to Disney World and Las Vegas.

So despite all the problems that have been written about on this website and that we discuss in our leather presentations, our life as a Master and a slave is far from all gloom and doom. Maybe a better label for us would be “Master Occasional Gloom and slave partly doom.” But an even better label is simply this -- Master Jim and slave marsha. That is who we are. Two people who are trying our best to walk the M/s path even when it is not easy. Yes, there are and will be problems, but when the dealing’s done, there is more laugher than there are tears. Even more importantly, we are comfortable with who and what we are – a Master and a slave.

It is as simple and complex as that.

In leather,

Master Jim

:: 11:11 AM [+] ::
...

You Have Chosen...

Master Jim's post, "The Arena," is about choosing. About choosing to step into the arena of Mastery and slavery, even though we know we might fail. About choosing to try, because at least then we never have to wonder, "What if...."

i've been thinking about choosing, too... about one of the choices we make after we've stepped into the arena.

i'm a big fan of the Indiana Jones movies. One of my favorite scenes is the one where Indy and his father are searching for the Holy Grail, the cup which tradition tells us Jesus Christ used at the Last Supper. After the usual adventures, Indy and his father at last find the hiding place of the Holy Grail, guarded by an ancient Crusader. And of course, those of you who have seen the movie know that by this time in the story, Indy's father is seriously injured and dying, and only a drink from the Holy Grail holding the Water of Life will save him.

So, our hero Indy has to grab the Grail and take his father a drink of the Water of Life. The problem is, the Grail is "hidden" in plain sight -- there are hundreds of cups laid out along a shelf, any one of which could be the Holy Grail. There are tall cups, short cups, engraved cups, bejeweled cups, gold cups, silver cups. How to choose the right one?

No Indiana Jones story is complete without evil Nazis, of course, and this one is no exception. This time, the evil (but hot) Nazi woman demands the right to choose the Holy Grail, and the evil (and creepy) Nazi guy demands to be the first to drink of the Water of Life and gain immortality. So, Evil But Hot Nazi Woman makes her choice -- a gorgeous gold and bejeweled chalice. It is, in her words, "The cup of a king!"

Evil And Creepy Nazi Guy fills the chalice from the Water of Life, drinks...and, of course, dies a horrible, shriveled-up death.

The ancient Crusader guarding the Grail looks at what is left of Evil And Creepy Nazi Guy and says, "He chose... poorly."

Now it's Indy's turn. He looks and looks... struggles.. starts to choose and then stops... until finally, he makes his choice. The cup he chooses is plain brass. Not a bit of engraving or a single jewel. It is nearly invisible in the glittering throng of chalices laid out before him.

But Indy sees the infinite value in this simple cup. He knows Jesus Christ was a carpenter -- and as Indy says, "This is the cup of carpenter." Indy fills it from the Water of Life and drinks.

The ancient Crusader responds, "You have chosen... wisely."

For it is the Holy Grail. The cup that looks least like it should be the most valuable thing in all of Christendom, the one that no one would choose from among the glittering, priceless cups, is the Holy Grail.

So, marsha, you may be asking, what does this have to do with slavery? It's this: as slaves, once we make the choice to enter the arena of Mastery and slavery, we are faced with choosing who we will serve from a glittering array of possible Masters. And too often, i see slaves who are mislead by the external trappings into believing that they have found the Holy Grail of Masters.

Too often, we as slaves choose... poorly.

Finding the one we can serve truly is the Holy Grail for slaves. We want to find him or her, we long for that day. In our heads, we build up images of what our Owner will look like and act like. Because of that, too often, I see slaves snatch the first flashy, beautiful, bejeweled "cup" that comes to their hand, without thinking.

But the Holy Grail of Masters is not always the Master everyone is looking at or talking about. He or she is not always the one wearing the most leather or the hottest clothes. He or she is not always the one with the best body. And make no mistake about it, the Holy Grail of Masters is not always the one with the most slaves hanging around him or her.

Look hard for your Holy Grail. Do not be mislead by the glitter and the gleam. Don't neglect to look at the simple "cup, " the plain "cup." The quiet Master. The one who does not constantly seek the spotlight for him or herself (or for his or her slave). The one who goes about his or her Mastery with reserve, with dignity. Who lives it as a life, rather than playing it as a game for the amusement of the community.

Search carefully for your Holy Grail. Make your choice carefully.

And may each of us as slaves choose... wisely.

--slave marsha

:: 11:38 AM [+] ::
...

The Arena

It should be obvious to regular readers of this website that I believe the path of Mastery and slavery is long and hard. Those just beginning the journey may soon be discouraged, while those well along the path will continue to confront problems and difficulties, any one of which could destroy that which has been built. I have seen individuals who met at a leather event or through a leather club attempt an M/s relationship, but soon go their separate ways. I know of two men who ended a 15 year relationship because one wanted to enter an M/s relationship and the other did not. I have seen several long-term marriages end because the two partners agreed to transform their marriage into an M/s relationship, but one of the partners was unable to successfully become a Master or a slave.

Why then in the name of the leather gods should people even try to walk this path? Why should anyone risk ending a relationship before it has a chance to grow? Why would anyone risk an established relationship for the sake of the unknown?

The answer is simple: many should not.

The reality is that too often individuals begin a Master/slave relationship with no thought as to what that relationship means. They have done nothing to examine where they want to go, much less how they hope to get there. They have not done any of the hard internal work necessary to successfully walk the M/s path.

But what about those who do lay a foundation, those who really have done an honest assessment of what they want and even have some idea of how they plan to go about achieving their goals? Unfortunately, even then, there is no guarantee of success. In fact, the failure rate for Master/slave relationships is much higher than the rate of success. Common sense then says go with the odds, become SM play partners, remain in your committed relationship, stay in your marriage -- whatever you do, do not risk all you have or might have on the uncertainty of an M/s relationship.

No, there are no guarantees, nothing to assure you of becoming a successful Master or slave, no refunds to be had if a fledgling or long-term M/s relationship fails, nothing to ease the bitter pain of losing a Master or a slave. Given these harsh realities, some might say let’s take the conservative path, let’s nail the M/s door shut, seal it off, advise everyone that it is too difficult, too dangerous. If we nail that door shut then we can make sure that no one will get a glimpse of the wonder, the possibilities, the fulfillment, the pleasure, the thrill, and yes, the rapture that may be touched on the M/s path. We’ll make sure that individuals do not risk what they have to find out who they are. After all, why risk failure even if it means not becoming who and what you were meant to be?

I hope you know that is not what I think we should do.

Not only did I not nail my personal door shut, I will not nail anyone else’s door shut. Despite the difficulties, despite the distinct possibility of failure, despite the potential loss of a lifetime of gain, I believe that those who believe they are Masters and slaves must begin the journey, they must walk the M/s path, they must try, even if they fail. In the words of the late President, John F. Kennedy:


“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best, if he wins, knows the thrills of high achievement, and, if he fails, at least fails daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

At the end of the day, whatever happens to me as I walk this Master/slave path, I will know this: at least I dared to enter the arena.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 9:00 PM [+] ::
...

And now, for a brief commercial annoucnement....

As many readers of this website know, I and slave marsha, along with Mark Fraizer, are co-owners and producers of South Plains Leatherfest. We hope that our readers will consider attending the event. The most recent event press release may be found below.

In leather,

Master Jim

****************************************

South Plains Leatherfest – Dallas, Texas
You heard about it last year, don’t miss it this year!
February 27-February 29, 2004


Whether you are interested in Master/slave relationships or advanced SM technique – or both – you’ll find education and excitement at South Plains Leatherfest (www.southplainsleatherfest.com), to be held in Dallas, Texas on February 27 – February 29, 2004.

Once again, South Plains offers two seminar “tracks” featuring some of the community’s best-known presenters on Master/slave relationships and advanced SM techniques. Presenters for the M/s Track include Laura Antoniou, Vi Johnson, Jack Rinella, Jack M, Master Skip, Master Jim and slave marsha, Master Steve Sampson and slave kirk, and Lady Catherine. The M/s Track also includes several “intensives” – smaller sessions designed to encourage discussion of the real life issues that go with identifying as a Master or a slave.

The Leather/SM Track presents skilled and experienced instructors leading advanced workshops on a variety of SM techniques. Presenters for the Leather/SM Track include Brian Dawson, Lolita Wolf, Midori, Tristan Taormino, Frank Strona, Sharrin Spector, Rich Dockter and Brian, and Mr. Kevin.

South Plains Leatherfest 2004 proudly continues the tradition of the Mr. and Ms. South Plains Leather Contest on Friday evening and the International Master and slave Contest on Saturday evening. While the International Master/slave title was produced last year by SPLF, this will be the first year the title is both owned and produced by the owners of SPLF. Glenda Rider and Graylin Thorton will co-emcee the Mr. and Ms. SPLF and the IM/s contests. Applications for both contests can be found at the South Plains website.

Early registration for South Plains Leatherfest is only $69 until January 30, 2004 and includes admission to the seminars, contests, and the vendor fair. A Sunday morning brunch is available at an additional cost. Registration forms can be found at the South Plains website. Registration will be capped, so please register early.

The host hotel for South Plains is the newly renovated Sheraton on Mockingbird Lane. The Sheraton is offering an outstanding room rate of only $59 per night for up to 4 people, if reservations are made before February 7, 2004. (Please call 214.630.7000 and mention South Plains Leatherfest to get the event rate.) We except the hotel to be full, so early reservations are strongly encouraged.

For additional information, please contact any of the co-owners of South Plains Leatherfest: Mark Frazier (Lhang@aol.com), Master Jim (mstr_jm@hotmail.com) or slave marsha (marshaslave@hotmail.com). Don’t miss what promises to be an even better SPLF than 2003!

:: 7:12 PM [+] ::
...

Walking the Deer Path


“The trail is hard and dark… Yet leads to a clearing where others have rested before you. See, their bodies bent the grass.” *

I want complete mastery, complete control, and complete obedience. Nothing less will do. Do I and my slave stand alone in what we seek? Is my conception of Mastery and slavery so extreme that no one else seeks similar goals? Is the desire for complete mastery, control, and obedience so unattainable that no one else is foolish enough to try? I think not.

There is no question that the trail is arduous, but as you travel the path you come upon clearings where there is evidence that other have come this way before. As you leave the darkness of the path and enter the sunlit clearing where a cold mountain stream bubbles and offers to quench your thirst and soft leaves beckon your weary body to rest, a sense of peace and contentment comes over you. You have come to another safe place on the road. Looking around you see evidence of fellow travelers: a small disruption in the pattern of fallen leaves or a fading footprint at the edge of the stream. Realizing that you are not alone gives you renewed energy and strength, even if you do not know your fellow travelers.

For some of you, this blog may serve as a clearing along your path. For others, the clearing may be found through the meetings or formation of a local MAsT chapter, attending a seminar at a leather event, reading an article or book that discusses M/s, participating in a weekend retreat with other Master/slave pairs, or spending time in the home of another Master and slave. Perhaps it is all or some combination of these and other things that are the clearing for you. Whatever form a clearing may take for you, the important point is that there are clearings and those clearings have been visited by others before yourself.

Seek out those clearings, find others who are of a like mind, develop contacts with those who like you walk the path of Master and slavery. Even if you are an extremely private person, as I am, recognize that some contact with others who are also on this journey can offer you needed support when the darkness settles back in. You do not have to do this alone. Even though your path will be unique, others can help you refine, affirm, or even redefine your approach to Mastery and slavery. Find the clearings, rest and replenish your body, mind, and spirit.

In leather,
Master Jim

* For the full text of "The Deer Path," see slave marsha's September 28, 2003 post.

:: 4:24 PM [+] ::
...

On Being slave marsha

“Be the slave.”

Master Jim says that’s the answer. And as He also often says, it’s as simple and as complex as that.

“Be the slave.”

i am a slave. From time to time, someone decides to argue the point with me, on the grounds that slavery is illegal in the U.S., or that the law wouldn’t bring me back to Master Jim if i chose to walk away. Of course i know that both of those things are true – i’m not delusional. But i also know that i don’t look to the law to define every aspect of my reality.

So why don’t I always feel like a slave? And does it matter?

i was raised in the Southern Baptist Church. (For anyone reading this who was or is Southern Baptist, i bet we now have a very good understanding of each other’s mindset. In some ways, once a Southern Baptist, always a Southern Baptist.) For those of you who aren’t familiar with the denomination, the core principle is that you need to have a personal relationship with Christ – you need to be “saved.” With salvation comes a fundamental change in who you are. From that point on, your life is (or should be) devoted to Christ.

Nearly everyone in my church youth group professed to be “saved.” Most of us had been coming to church since we were in diapers – how could we be otherwise? Nevertheless, i remember well hearing the members of my youth group say, from time to time, that they didn’t feel like a Christian. Such a statement was tantamount to a confession of being “backslidden” – not a good thing in a Southern Baptist church -- and necessitated the immediate formation of a prayer circle. Always, there was much debate over whether such a feeling simply meant the backslider needed to recommit his or her life to Christ or whether it might indicate that he or she never really was “saved” in the first place.

One hot summer, after a number of the youth group suffered from this malady (putting more than a little strain on the prayer chain), our youth group leader decided he needed to address this whole issue of our “feelings.” He told us that our “feelings” were just that – feelings, and not reality. As Christians, we would continue to experience the whole range of human feelings – including doubt about who and what we were. And if we had accepted Christ, not one of those feelings would change the fact that we were saved. Then he suggested we all go out for ice cream. (Which, of course, soothes a multitude of feelings when you’re a teenager.)

What does this have to do with slavery? i think it’s this -- some days, i feel like a slave and some days… i don’t. It doesn’t change the reality that i’ve chosen to turn over control of my life to Master Jim and that i’ve promised to obey and serve Him. It may make it more difficult for me to obey and serve with the right heart when i don’t feel my slavery, but it doesn’t negate my reality.

And now, for my own confession. Today, right this minute, i don’t feel much like a slave. i hate this feeling.

The feeling will pass. It always does. i’ll try to find some time in the day to examine why I feel this way because understanding the “why” always helps me with the “what to do.” Maybe I’ll make an extra effort to look for opportunities to serve Master Jim today –i’ve found that when i have this feeling, if i make myself act like a slave, i often suddenly realize that once again, i have found my slave identity. Master Jim and i are presenting at an event this weekend, and being around others in the community helps the feeling to pass. Most of all, Master Jim always helps me, by talking with me, by having me kneel, and most of all, simply by being there. By being my Owner and demonstrating it in everything He does.

But for right now… i don’t feel like a slave. Yet i know i am.

i will be the slave.

--slave marsha

:: 2:33 PM [+] ::
...

To Be or Not To Be, That Is the Question… But What’s the Answer?

I was in the Dallas Eagle one night when I was approached by a man who asked me,

“Sir, I am a boy. How can I find a Sir?”

To be honest, I was not in the mood to engage this man in a long conversation about what I saw as the key characteristics of a boy and how a boy might go about finding a Sir. After all, it was the Eagle, it was Saturday night, and I had one or two other things on my mind. But after asking him a few basic questions about what he hoped to find, I looked him in the eye, reached out and touched his bare chest, and said…

“Be the boy.”

I was not trying to be flip or dismissive in my short statement. But I also did not realize the full import of what I had said until later.

“Be the boy.”
“Be the Master.”
“Be the slave.”

Those few words, I believe, contain a critically important message.

Be who you are, be true to yourself, and eventually, all else will fall into place.

It seems so obvious. In order to be a boy, a Master, or a slave, that indeed must be who you are. Nevertheless, in my opinion, many in the leather community assume a role they think is hot or cool – whether or not that is truly who they are. People play at Mastery or slavery. While this may work in a scene or for a weekend, in the long run, and more likely in the short run, the assumed façade will melt away. Many people who have entered into Master/slave relationships without stopping to discover whether they or their counterpart really are Masters or a slaves have learned the truth of this, to their sorrow.

Being who you are does not presuppose or require experience. Being who you are does not mean that you have been given a magic key to living happily ever after. Being who you are does not mean that you have wisdom known only to a few. Being who you are, however, does mean that you are truthful with yourself and that you are willing to look inside yourself and discover who you are.

When you engage in this self-examination and discover a slave or Master within, then be that person. Embrace Mastery or slavery. Welcome it into your life. Celebrate who you are. Live as a Master or live as a slave to the best of your ability.

In other words, be.

That is the answer.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 2:52 PM [+] ::
...

Random thoughts...

From time to time, i read something that speaks to me about my life as a slave. (Sometimes i find these things in really odd places.) As i find them, i'll try to share them here...

Here's one:

The Deer Path
by Kate Cheney Chappell

The deer path is the path you see with your heart,
invisible to the eyes of others,
the way into your wild, unnamed parts,
a route disguised, uncharted.

The trail is hard and dark,
crowded by root-bound granite,
hemmed by spruce limbs curtaining light;
it dwindles to a trace---

Yet leads to a clearing
where others have rested before you.
See, their bodies bent the grass
their spirits, arrows of light;

Scent of water is in the air
as, from that rough corridor,
you enter the gentle opening of possibility,
a place that feels familiar
and new
at the same time.


Walking the deer path,
--slave marsha

:: 7:39 PM [+] ::
...

Uncharted Territory

Master Jim and i had the opportunity to see the Canadian Rockies this past weekend while we were in Calgary. For those of us from places in Texas where anything higher than a freeway overpass counts as a major landmark, the Rockies are nothing short of astounding.

As we drove toward the mountains, Master Jim and i began to speculate what it was like for those brave people who first came to and crossed those peaks. i wondered aloud how those early explorers decided where to try a crossing -- what did they look for? Master Jim responded: "You look for a place that doesn't look as high as all the rest. Look for a crack between the mountains"

Uhhh... okay. Makes sense, i guess, but i'm not sure i'd want to stake my life following a guide who was trudging along looking for a crack between the mountains.

And yet, now that i think about it, that's exactly what a Master/slave journey is like.

Those of us who are slaves are too often convinced that Masters are all knowing, all seeing creatures -- or at least they should be if they are "true" Masters. They will always know the right path -- or if the path seems difficult, it's because there's some grand "Master Plan" at work.

In reality, as Master Jim noted in His post, the journey of a Master and a slave is anything but clearly marked. There are no maps, few guides, and no signs pointing the way through the mountains. Sometimes, the best the Master can do is to look for a crack between the mountains. Truly, we journey through uncharted territory. On the journey, the Master and slave may lose the way and it may take days or weeks or years to retrace their steps. Or, the Master and slave may come upon a beautiful valley, and for a time, the path is clear and the way is easy.

As Master Jim and i stood in the midst of those glorious mountains, i pointed at one just as the setting sun touched the peak for a final time that day and said, "Sir, i want to be on the mountaintop, but as a slave, i think i'm terribly far down the mountain." He smiled and shook His head. "You're closer to the mountaintop than you think."

i'd like to be able to accept what He said without question -- i know i should -- but i can't, not yet, not fully, because i know my own failings too well. But what i do know to be my truth is this: i am on an incomperable journey through uncharted territory. Master Jim is my guide, and i trust Him. Not to always unerringly find the path... but to always, always keep trying.

To keep looking for the crack between the mountains.

--slave marsha

:: 8:39 AM [+] ::
...

Tell Me the Best Way to Get to Mastery and slavery

Isn’t the Internet a wonderful thing? With a few clicks of your mouse, you can go to a site such as MapQuest, enter your beginning location and your destination, and get, in excruciating detail, turn-by-turn, tenth-of-a-mile by tenth-of-a-mile directions in seconds. Your only task if driving alone is to avoid an accident while attempting to follow those detailed directions.

So, where is the leather MapQuest? The MapQuest that will allow me to enter “inexperienced dominant” as my beginning point and “all knowing Master” as my destination, and which, with a mouse click, will give me the step-by-step map for my Master/slave journey?

If you have been reading this webpage, you already know that I do not believe such a resource exists. There are no resources, either on the Internet or in a dust-covered box in the dark recesses of a leather store, that will give me or anyone else, a detailed map of the Master/slave journey.

The journey of a Master and slave is a very personal experience. While those sharing the experience can gain insights from written resources, attending leather events featuring M/s seminars, and developing a circle of acquaintances and friends who also practice M/s, the only way a Master and a slave can find their way is to chart their own course. As a Master with some experience, if asked, I can talk to you about developing a philosophy, the elements of a contract, how to begin to establish protocols, and the ethics of ownership -- but only you can translate this information and incorporate what is useful to you into the fabric of your own Master and slave relationship.

One way to describe Masters and slaves, then, is as artists. Give six pairs of Masters and slaves six palettes with the same colors and you will end up with six entirely different paintings in terms of color, form, and substance. Give the same six pairs some of the building blocks of an M/s relationship -- control, philosophy, direction, discipline, protocol, ethics and service -- and you will end up with six totally different Master/slave relationships.

The way we walk the path of Mastery and slavery, the way we travel on our M/s journey, will be unique to each pairing. There is no one way to walk this path successfully, and there is no one accepted road map for the M/s journey. Perhaps the only certainty is that if someone tells you his is hers is the only way, then that person can be rejected as a false prophet. As painful, time consuming and error-filled as it may be, each Master and slave pair must find their own way. Some will fail, some will succeed: all will struggle. For those who are able to stay the course and fight through the problems they will face, the end product will be a Master/slave relationship that has a better chance of surviving because it was built through the blood, sweat, and tears of a Master and a slave.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 11:35 PM [+] ::
...

Something new...

Master Jim and i have added something new to this page -- a discussion forum. Just click on the "Discuss Edgeliving" link to the left, under the "Recommended" heading. You'll be taken to the new Edgeliving discussion board. Leave your thoughts, your comments, your questions. Master Jim and i can also be reached directly by email at mstr_jm@hotmail.com and marshaslave@hotmail.com.

And thanks for joining us on our journey.


--slave marsha

:: 10:05 AM [+] ::
...

Do You Believe in Magic?
Part 2 of Service: The Life Blood of a M/s Relationship


Do you believe in magic? i do… at least when I’m inside the “magic circle” of service.

In Part 1, Master Jim said i would explain what He and i mean by the “magic circle.” Defining the magic circle for me is a little like that great definition of obscenity given by Potter Stewart, one of our venerated Supreme Court justices, who said: “I know it when I see it.” Catchy, but perhaps not an altogether useful definition.

So what service do i see happening inside the magic circle? Service in the magic circle is being allowed to serve in the most intimate ways – things like bathing, dressing, sex, being a footstool, an ashtray. As a specific example, for me, it is standing behind Him when we are out in the leather community, in the military “at ease” position, making sure His needs are met, unobtrusively. It is providing service to Him so intimately and closely that we appear as one.

Okay, so maybe i'm not doing any better than Justice Stewart at coming up with a definition.

Let’s try this: Master Jim says “it’s all about the socks.” So i’ll define the magic circle in terms of socks. Indirect sock service is hunting down those damn socks at 5 rural Wal-Marts and making sure they’re in His drawer against the day when He needs them. Direct sock service in the magic circle is laying out a pair of those fresh, virginal socks for Him and then kneeling to actually slide them on His feet. (Note to anyone who actually gets to do this for Master Jim – He likes room between the end of His toe and the end of the sock.)

All clear now? Good.

Master Jim is right when He says the vast majority of my service to Him was indirect. In fact, it still is. Recently, i had the opportunity to try to explain to someone who was interested in entering into service with Master Jim what kind of service would be expected. It was a fascinating – and somewhat discouraging – experience. Try as i might, i could not get this person to understand that as a 24/7 slave to Master Jim, the vast majority of my time was NOT spent looking hot standing behind Him or sucking cock. Instead, my time is mostly spent in what Master Jim describes as “administrative tasks” – correspondence, managing the calendar, trip planning, and oh yeah – finding those damn socks.

Over the past few years, from time to time, i begged Master Jim for a chance to serve Him in more personal ways. i’ll admit it was hard for me to be told that kind of service wasn’t important to Him. While i can’t say that suddenly i am awash in personal service opportunities, i can say that Master Jim clearly has discovered that allowing service inside the magic circle can be meaningful, enjoyable and yes… even hot. That’s a good thing for me, and i’m grateful.

Because i believe in magic.

--slave marsha

:: 5:34 PM [+] ::
...

Service: The Life Blood of a M/s Relationship
Part 1

As I have said here before, I see control as the heart of a Master/slave relationship. In order for the heart to continue a strong and steady beat, it requires life-sustaining blood. That blood is service. Service in all its magnificent and mundane forms is the life blood of an M/s relationship. Individuals who are wired as slaves thrive on providing service. The reason for their very being is to offer to service, to be of service to their owner. That service may be offered by a tuxedoed, white-gloved slave who brings her owner coffee and cigars on a gleaming silver platter; or by a slave in a grimy, sweat-stained tee-shirt holding a toothbrush he has used to clean the toilet; or by plainly dressed slave who has just finished his Master’s daily email correspondence; or by a naked slave who has just provided her Mistress with a bath and massage.

You get the idea: service comes in an infinite variety of forms and the only definition of service that applies to your M/s relationship is the one you give it. In other words, the service a slave provides to an owner is the service an owner wants that slave to provide.

Having made that generalization, I now want to divide service into two broad categories: direct and indirect. I define direct service as those things that are provided to an owner that meet his or her personal needs. Service that falls into this category include valet tasks and personal attendant services (cleaning, grooming, massage, sex). Indirect service is those tasks that contribute to the coordination of the owner’s life and work. Service that falls into this category include secretarial duties and administrative tasks.

It is true that an owner can and must be the one to determine which tasks and services are to be performed by the slave. It is also true that an owner can require that 100 percent of the slaves time be devoted to either direct or indirect service since the services that are provided should be designed to improve the owner’s quality of life and to meet the task-needs of the owner. As my own Master/slave relationship developed, however, I found I was requiring that slave marsha provide me with more and more indirect service. Almost all of her time was taken up by administrative tasks that included managing my correspondence, managing my calendar, planning my trips, developing my speaking outlines, and coordinating the events that I produce. She was providing me very little in the way of direct service, and, in fact, I often told her that direct service was not very important to me, and that I had her doing what most needed to be done.

There is no question that the services I had slave marsha providing me were and are important.; however, I had an opportunity to be reintroduced to personal, direct service and found out how much I missed that kind of service. I also discovered how much slave marsha longed for the opportunity to provide direct service to me. As a result, I have realigned what I require of my slave so that she can, on a regular basis, provide service to me inside of the magic circle… the circle she will now describe in Part 2.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 6:16 AM [+] ::
...

Looking for Help With Obedience?

i often say that i have found help and comfort from the writings of men and women who enter into religious service, in any number of faiths. Like them, i have vowed to obey and serve in a way that the society i live in does not understand or accept. Here is an example of the wisdom and help i have found -- if you are searching to understand what it means to obey as a slave, i hope it helps you, too.

"Even after all of her years in the cloister, Sister Elizabeth didn't have a subservient bone in her body. That didn't mean that she took her vow of obedience lightly. She had found that many religious hid behind the vow of obedience. It gave them an excuse to take the path of least resistance, to glide through their lives on automatic pilot, confident that someone else would make all of the important decisions for them. There was a saying in religious life: Keep the rule and the rule will keep you. Oh, how wonderful if it were that simple. It never was, of course. Sister Elizabeth understood that obedience was a multilayered virtue. True obedience required far more than simple submission to man-made (or woman-made) rules. You must be obedient to the rule -- the master rubric that defined the human calling to God. And that required a strength of will, and intellect."

From "The Calling: A Year in the Life of an Order of Nuns" by Catherine Whitney, p. 123

From time to time, i've seen websites that offer the "128 Basic Slave Rules," or someone who offers "slave training" in only 30 days. Anyone can learn the "rules" -- anyone can be "trained" to follow them. But to come to an understanding and acceptance of who you are and what you are meant to be in this life... and to learn to obey as a way of making that calling real for you and for the world around you...

That requires more. So much more.

--slave marsha

:: 4:48 PM [+] ::
...

South Plains -- Live and Nationwide

Just a brief announcement that online registration for South Plains Leatherfest is now open. Don't know what South Plains is? Click on the link to the left, under "Recommended" or go to www.southplainsleatherfest.com.

Early registration is only $69 and rooms at the host hotel are only $59 a night for up to four people in a room. Master Jim and i will be speaking at the event, along with Laura Antoniou, Joseph Bean, Race Bannon, Vi Johnson, Lolita Wolf, Jack McGeorge, Jack Rinella, Brian Dawson, Master Steve Sampson and more.

You got questions? You can email me at marshaslave@hotmail.com

Now we return you to your regularly scheduled reading...

--slave marsha
(one of the owners of SPLF)

:: 11:39 AM [+] ::
...

The Look of a Champion – The Heart of a Champion

In her recent blog post, “Running,” slave marsha says she wants to be a racehorse but that one could not imagine a human less like a racehorse than her. My interest in horse racing and thoroughbreds goes back a long time. And for many years, I have compared slaves to thoroughbred racehorses.

In the book “Seabiscuit,” that great champion horse is described as follows: “He had a sad little tail, barely long enough to brush his hocks. His stubby legs were a study in unsound construction, with squarish, asymmetrical ‘baseball glove’ knees that didn’t quite straighten out all the way, leaving him in a permanent semi-crouch.” Seabiscuit did not have the tall, sleek, well-muscled tapered lines that most owners and trainers look for when looking for champions. So if it wasn’t his appearance that made the horse into the champion he was, what was it? After Seabiscuit became a winner, one observer said that he was a horse whose quality was “mostly in his heart.” But the trainer, Tom Smith, who turned Seabiscuit into a champion recognized something intangible in the horse the first time he saw him. Seabiscuit was being led to the post along with a field of low-level horses at a minor track when something about him caught Smith’s eye. It wasn’t the horse’s looks. It wasn’t even the way the horse ran, although he won that day. Something in the horse’s eyes and the way he reacted to running and winning spoke to Smith. As the horse was being led away, Smith said, “I’ll see you again.”

There is no telling how many potential winning, if not champion, racehorses are written off because they do not “look” like a quality thoroughbred. They may toil under the hands of inept trainers at small, bullring tracks across the country, never to realize their potential, never to tap their championship hearts. The same is true of people who have slave hearts. Slaves come in all shapes, all sizes, all genders and sexual orientations. They are tall, they are short, they are well muscled – or not, they are young, they are old, they are men, they are women, they are transgendered people. The key is to be able to recognize what is inside, what these people carry in their heart and soul. Potential Owners must train themselves to look beyond the exterior of a person, to find out what is inside, to find out what motivates the person, to find out if the person has a slave heart. With that, we have the foundation to develop champions.

Is slave marsha a racehorse? Yes, and she is she is being developed to run for the roses and beyond.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 11:25 AM [+] ::
...

Running...

i want to be a racehorse.

i'll admit, it's an odd statement. You can't imagine a human less like a racehorse than me -- i'm not tall, slender, sleek or fast. i'm a 40 year old woman, my knees creak sometimes when i kneel, and my body is emphatically not made for running.

But i want to be a racehorse.

Last weekend, i picked up the book "Seabiscuit" by Laura Hillenbrand. Master Jim enjoys horse racing, and i thought i'd see if the book or the movie might be of interest to Him. In the past, He has likened owning a slave to owning a racehorse. i never paid much attention to the analogy.

But a passage in the book caught my eye. In describing a thoroughbred racehorse, the author writes, "His mind is impressed with a single command: run. He pursues speed with superlative courage, pushing beyond defeat, beyond exhaustion, sometimes beyond the structural limits of bone and sinew."

In a flash, i understood Master Jim's analogy. In the quote, replace the word "run" with "obey" and "speed" with "obedience."

That is what Master Jim wants in His slave. The courage and strength to pursue the single most important command in my life: obey.

When a jockey needs a racehorse to give him more speed in the home stretch of a race, he is said to "ask the question" of his horse. The horse, if it responds with a burst of speed, is said to "answer." The great racehorses, horses with the heart of Seabiscuit or Seattle Slew, give their jockeys everything they have -- and when they are "asked the question" in the home stretch... somehow, some way, they find more to give.

They run. Beyond defeat. Beyond exhaustion. Because it is what they are meant to do.

"Obey me in this, marsha," He says. And then... "I want more. I want all of you."

Every day, He "asks the question."

i want to have the courage and the strength to "answer the question" every time. Beyond defeat. Beyond exhaustion.

Some days... i can almost see the finish line. And so i run.

--slave marsha

:: 10:58 AM [+] ::
...

Master Jim says....

i've just posted the text from Master Jim's keynote address this weekend at The Masters' Retreat. You'll find it to the left of the page, with the other links.

He and i hope it gives food for thought....

--slave marsha

:: 8:38 PM [+] ::
...

Where does the time go....

So, Master Jim and i returned home from Thunder in the Mountains, only to find a whole new set of demands on His time. (And therein lies another topic for the blog -- maintaining a Master/slave relationship when things are pulling you in a million directions.) Thunder was a great event, as usual. Master Jim and i presented a 5 hour seminar there called "The Journey 2003: Exploring New Paths." The people who attended it were a joy. They weren't afraid to ask us the hard questions, and when that happens, i know real communication is happening. Based on the comments Master Jim and i received, the attendees found something worthwhile in the seminar to take home with them. That's what makes these leather weekends special for Master Jim and for me.

Master Jim hopes to write something substantive for the blog in the next week. We have separate speaking engagements this weekend, but when He decides it's "Blog Time," very little stands in His way. Stay tuned.

--slave marsha

:: 10:43 PM [+] ::
...

Got rules? Yes, Master Jim’s Golden Rule - Obey

I cannot count the times that slave marsha has asked me after I have given her a directive… is that a rule, Sir? My most common response is: No, that is not a rule, I have simply given you an order that I wish carried out. I may want you to respond differently next time. Those “101 slave rules” -- actually, if slaves had their way there would be 1001 rules -- do not exist for me. Without question, specific rules that guide behavior and actions would make life simpler for the slave. They would provide a behavioral blueprint that would permit the slave to always, or at least most of the time, be in compliance with the wishes of the Owner. While it is not my purpose to make obedience difficult for my slave or to create situations where she will often fail, neither is it my purpose to make life as easy for her as possible.

I don’t like a lot of rules. They box me in, reduce my flexibility, and push me toward being a micro-manager. I detest micro-management both in my M/s and professional lives. I have elected to structure my Master/slave relationship around one simple concept -- you might call it Master Jim’s Golden Rule. That rule is simply … Obey. In order to obey, unless otherwise instructed, slave marsha always has to be available for service.

As a supplement to the Golden Rule, I do have certain behavioral rules that slave marsha follows pertaining to her daily life and how she is to serve me, but those rules are not excessive. Furthermore, those rules can be, and are, changed from time to time. So if I am not enamored with rules, what do I have? Instead of having a rule-based M/s relationship, I have one that is concept-based. In addition to obedience, some of the concepts that guide my M/s relationship are control, ethical ownership, responsibility, protocol, and internalization. These and other concepts combine with my philosophy of direction, discipline, and service to provide the framework for a dynamic, growing, and ever-changing M/s relationship.

So, there is no do-not-use-the-cell-phone-in-the-baggage-claim-area rule. If there was such a rule, there would also have to be a do-use-the-cell-phone- or always-ask-permission-to-use-the-cell-phone rule. One can see how quickly and exponentially these rules would multiply and not only would I have to identify the rules, I would have to remember them all in order to enforce them. Instead, I have a slave who will from time-to-time be unsuccessful in her service, not because she is breaking a rule, but because she is not available to serve.

As slave marsha said, “slavery isn’t about following rules.” And I will say that Mastery is not about making and enforcing rules. Both Mastery and slavery are about internalizing who and what you are in order to become one with your Mastery or your slavery. If both can accomplish that internalization, then the Master will control and the slave will obey.

It is as simple and as complex as that.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 5:26 PM [+] ::
...

Got rules?

Slaves, by and large, love rules. For some of us, the more the better. Why is that? i think it’s because we believe rules make it easier on us. i know I think rules make being a slave easier on me.

For many people, the idea that rules might make life easier seems absurd. Those of us in the Western Hemisphere live in a society that in many ways, urges us to do what we want, to break the rules, to be independent. (We also get the mixed message that we need to conform, buckle down and follow the crowd, but that’s a topic for another day.) As a slave, however, my greatest goal is to obey my Owner – and it’s a hell of a lot easier to do that if i have rules. Nice, clear, specific rules. If i do this, i have obeyed. If i do that, i haven’t obeyed. Simple. Give me that list of “101 slave rules” and i’m good to go.

my Owner, of course, feels differently.

i think my Owner is not unusual in this. He is much more of a “high level” thinker. He would rather establish broad operating principles than specific rules. That gives Him more flexibility in ordering His life and my service. And, more importantly, He doesn’t have to remember the “101 slave rules.”

Let me give you an example of what i’m talking about. my Owner and i were traveling a couple of weeks ago. We got off of the plane and proceeded to baggage claim. As we walked along, i whipped out a cell phone and started checking messages. Just then, Master Jim looked over at me and asked, “Where is the car rental pick up area?” i was completely distracted by that cell phone (desperately hoping that some hot butch had finally decided to call and ask me out) and replied – sounding just as distracted as i felt -- “i don’t know, Sir.”

Wrong answer.

Master Jim turned to me and in His inimitable way, conveyed His displeasure at the lack of service from me. In turn, i put on my best “This-isn’t-fair-there’s-no-rule-about-this-i’m-trying-so-hard-why-are-You-so-mean-to-me” look. Later, when the crisis moment had passed, i asked Him if there was a new rule about cell phones. No turning on the cell phone without permission? No, that isn’t the rule, He says. No doing anything when we’re going to baggage claim, i ask? No, that isn’t the rule, either, He says. Well, what is it, i ask.

He says, “Always be available to me to serve.”

Always be available to Him to serve. That’s much harder than following some nice, clear cell phone rule. That means having to think, to anticipate, to evaluate, to prioritize, to assess, to plan. That means realizing at times, no matter how hard i try, i’m going to break the “rule.”

In my heart, i do understand His point. For Him, and for me, slavery really isn’t about following rules. Almost anyone can be forced to obey a set of rules, given enough time and enough force. Consensual slavery isn’t about that. The slavery that i live is about making His will, my will. And so, slavery is about something bigger – and more difficult -- than just following the rules

But some days… i sure would like those “101 slave rules.”

(And no, the butch hadn't called.)

--slave marsha

:: 2:06 PM [+] ::
...

As promised...

When Master Jim and i began this blog, He and i said that it would be, at best, semi-regular. Well, we're sure keeping that promise.

It's been a busy few weeks, and only getting more so, since He and i are presenting at Thunder in the Mountains this coming weekend. However, i do know what i'd like to write about next, and i hope to have a new post up in the next few days.

For anyone out there who's reading this blog... thanks.

--slave marsha

:: 5:02 PM [+] ::
...

It's only pain...

i am not a masochist. People always seem surprised when i say that, as if being a slave is all or only about SM. The truth is, being a slave is only seldom about SM, and mostly is about a whole lot of other things.

But i do take a hell of a beating.

Confused? Join the crowd. Let me try to explain. For me, a masochist is someone who derives physical pleasure (usually sexual/erotic) from receiving pain. i don't. Oh, i like my sex a little rough as much as the next person -- maybe more than the average next person -- but do i get aroused or wet from a flogging or caning or paddling? No. Hence, my statement that i am not a masochist.

But i do take a hell of a beating.

If you read Master Jim's post below, you know that His SM work is important to Him. You'll just have to take me at my word when i tell you that when Master Jim engages in SM work, He works hard. His preferred means of working are heavy floggings and body punching on the back, shoulders and arms. For variety, He also utilizes temporary piercing and cutting. When He works, it hurts.

So why do i do it? Well, i could answer with the obvious -- i'm a slave, and i don't have the option of saying no. And that's true. But the deeper reason is this: taking pain from Him is service. It is an honor to be the vehicle through which He chooses to explore Himself and me. As Master Jim said, this is a part of our Master/slave journey.

When you aren't a masochist and you're required to take pain, fear looms large in your mind. You know those endorphins everyone talks about aren't really going to help you out all that much. A hard cock or wet pussy isn't going to distract you from the fact that someone is hitting you, hard. It's a scary place. i've found that if i let the fear take control, it hurts much more. So, i've looked for ways to control the fear... and one way that works for me is to recite a mantra. One that i often use goes like this:

i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me courage...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me strength...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me endurance...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me grace.

Over and over i say it, as the blows fall. In it, i find peace and the ability to serve.

Sometimes, i use this one:

The pain is only a reminder.
The pain does not own me.
The pain does not control me.
The pain is only a reminder.
Of His ownership and control.

That's what it's all about for me. The pain is not an end in itself, but rather is a means to an end. A reminder that Master Jim is my Master and Owner. That i have given up control, even the right to say no to things that hurt. And it is service, to Him.

Yes, i do take a hell of a beating.

my pleasure to serve, Sir.

--slave marsha

:: 12:31 PM [+] ::
...

Playing with toys or working with equipment

“What S/M men now call play we called work. And when I am inclined to criticize the current style of S/M I have made the observation that children play and men work. Perhaps I am harsh in my assessment, but aren’t Masters supposed to be harsh?”

From “One Among Many: The Seduction and Training of a Leatherman” by Thom Magister, published in Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics and Practice, Mark Thompson, Editor
********************************************************

I read the short story that includes the above quote a number of years ago and when I did, the words literally jumped off of the page at me. SM as work…not SM as play. I had felt for a long time before reading that story that I was not playing when I engaged in SM, that what I was doing was far more serious and dangerous than play. The story brought things together for me. Now, I refer to all my SM activity as “work” and the SM implements I use as my “equipment” rather than my “toys” since it seems incongruous to me to talk about working with toys.

So, I consider SM work. Does that then mean that my SM takes on the painful drudgery that we often associate with work? Yes -- and no. Is it painful? Almost always. Is it drudgery? Never. I do not see my SM as an arduous or dreaded activity. Instead, it is work that I do because I enjoy it.

Even more importantly, my SM work is a means to a greater end. Just as an artist uses brushes, paint, and a canvas to create, I use SM work to explore my slave, or another I might be working with. SM is a means of discovery and through its use I hope to probe, push, open, and unleash what lies inside a person. What is inside may be laughter, tears, anger, silence, or a nearly endless array of other emotions. When I engage in SM work I am not seeking a particular response; I only ask that I be given honest reactions and emotions and the opportunity to use those emotions as a means of discovery.

Since I began sharing my view of SM as work, I am often asked: Don’t you have any FUN doing SM? My answer to that is for the most part, no -- because I am not looking for simple fun in my SM. Rather, I find the practice of SM to be difficult, dangerous, fulfilling, joyful and rewarding. For me, it goes much deeper than fun. It is an essential part of my Master and slave journey.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 9:26 PM [+] ::
...

Knock, Knock, Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door….

Like Master Jim, i love the analogy of doors. i know i’ve faced many in this Master/slave relationship.

Some of the doors i’ve approached were grand and ornate, and as i passed through, i was greeted with fanfare. The night in 2001 that Master Jim and i were chosen as International Master and slave was one of those doors. It was a great night and the start of a memorable year.

But that grand and ornate door didn’t herald half of the change that i’ve experienced by stepping through other doors on my path of slavery. Plain, simple doors. No fanfare. But beyond the door…

Change. Real change.

One of those plain and simple doors was one of the earliest: the door i stepped through to become Master Jim’s slave. At the time, i had only the vaguest idea of what it would really be like. All i knew was that something inside of me called me to a different kind of life. Something inside me longed to be required to obey and to serve. Even when i didn’t want to.

There was no elaborate ceremony in a dungeon to herald the door to my life as a slave. No heavy SM “scene.” Nothing erotic. Only Master Jim and me, some candles, two leather roses – and words from the heart:

"Yes, Sir… this is what i want. To serve You. i consent."

"Yes, marsha… this is what I want. To own you. I consent."

Sometimes, the doors on our path are ornate and beautiful, or open wide so we can see the light and joy that await us on the other side. Sometimes we have to pound on the door until our knuckles bleed, fighting and clawing our way through. Sometimes the doors are simple and plain… but beyond the door, the path is dark… and to step through that door requires an act of faith and courage.

i followed Master Jim through that simple door and onto the unknown path beyond. Now, i find that door has closed behind me, and i can never go back to being who i was before. Thank god.

Oh yes… there are doors.

And so i close this entry as Master Jim did, with a thank you. Thank you, Mistress Dawn, for showing Him the first door. You would be proud of who He has become… and i hope that wherever your journey has taken you, you’ve found the door you were searching for.

--slave marsha

:: 10:06 AM [+] ::
...

Doors

Early on in my SM experience, a young woman who was wise beyond her years introduced me to the concept of doors. She said that if I continued to experiment with SM, that I might very well at some point go though a “door” and find that I had fundamentally changed, that I would want to make SM a regular part of my life and not something I just did occasionally. I honestly do not know if this person is still involved in SM at all, but I consider myself fortunate to have met her when I did, because she introduced me to some basic truths, and the idea of doors was one of them.

I now often refer to doors when speaking of SM, but more importantly when speaking of M/s. Mastery and slavery is a journey. We begin walking our path knowing very little about what we are doing. Sometimes the path is smooth and the way is easy. But sometimes on that path, we come to a door. To continue on the journey means going through the door. That door may be a new experience. It may be a new emotion. It may be a struggle in our M/s relationship. Whatever form it takes, a door in M/s involves growth and change.

Sometimes, it is relatively easy to step through the doorway in your path. Sometimes you can even open the door, decide you do not like what it on the other side, and go back to choose another path with a different door. But other times, you will face a door that opens only one way. To go forward means going through the door. And if you walk through it, you will never be the same. The first of those one way doors that I walked through many years ago was discovering SM. I liked it a lot. It was an experience that really turned me on. And at some point – although I couldn’t tell you exactly when -- I looked back and realized I could never go back through that door to the life I had before. SM had become a part of me.

Now that I am living as a Master with a slave, I continue to encounter doors in my journey. Some of them I pass through easily. But like my early experience with SM, some of the doors on my M/s journey only open one way – and they change my life. Let me offer one experience that may help clarify this.

There was a time early on in my M/s journey with slave marsha when it felt like I hit a wall. There were many different forces in my life at that time, many different events happening, and they all seemed to come down on me at once. I basically froze. Not only could I could not move, I did not know if I ever could exert my mastery again. I had run straight into a door that, in order to pass through it, required me to decide how much living as a Master really meant to me.

I stood at that door, frozen, for a long time while my M/s relationship hung in the balance. Finally, slave marsha had the courage to challenge me to open the door. She was afraid, afraid that she had lost her Master even though our journey had only just begun. But she stood up and challenged me. She asked where I was, where I had gone, what the hell had happened. And somewhere deep inside me, she found a spark, an ember and that ember began to grow and glow until the fire inside of me that drives me to live as a Master came back. When it did, I stood up and i grabbed her hair and forced her down to her knees and told her that I was back. With that act, I opened the doorway and stepped through. I faced who I was and what I wanted and I accepted it, despite the events around me that would have made it so easy to turn and walk away from M/s. Walking through that door caused a fundamental change in me.

That is what I mean by doorways. I can’t tell you which doorways you’ll face. Yours will be different from mine. But be certain that if you are walking the path of Mastery and slavery, you will encounter doors.

And so as I think about doors, I want to end this with a thank you. I know that she will more than likely never read this, and I know that I will likely never see her again.

For showing me that first door... Dawn, I thank you.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 9:18 PM [+] ::
...

Don't Panic -- He's in Control

Master Jim controls my life. i know that. He knows that. But i have to admit, there are some days when the control feels so tenuous, so... loose... that i doubt.

Master Jim and i have talked about this a great deal, as it is one of my struggles. i think slaves in general need more proof that we are controlled than our Owners need proof that they control us. Our owners know that if they command us to do something, we will do it, or if we don't, that they will correct or punish us. But as slaves, i think we can't help but wonder: will our Owner notice? Does our Owner care?

Control really is the thing that makes a M/s relationship different from all other adult relationships. For example, i am a femme dyke who adores butches. But i promise you -- no butch "controls" me when we're in a romantic relationship. In those relationships, compromise and negotiation are the rules of the day, not control.

Control is the hallmark of M/s. Turning over control of my life to another human being -- a flawed human being who i know will fail from time to time -- is the most frightening and joyful thing i've ever done. Handing over control doesn't make me feel weak -- it makes me feel strong. To say to a world that believes independence is all, "i am marsha, and i choose slavery, i choose to be controlled," is the ultimate freedom. i am free to choose differently. In that freedom, i choose to be a slave. i choose to be controlled.

And that's why i crave evidence of it and panic if i lose the feel of it. i need to know without a doubt that i am controlled. That i am a slave. That what i do means as much to Him as it does to me.

--slave marsha

:: 9:23 PM [+] ::
...

The Essential Element: Control

It is commonplace today, both in the D/s and M/s communities to hear the concept of “diversity” applauded. The claim is that there really is no one right way to do things, that individuals are free to develop their own approaches and methods to Dominance and submission and Mastery and slavery. I fully agree that there is no one way to walk the path of Mastery and slavery; however, I firmly believe that there is one element that is absolutely necessary for any Master/slave relationship. That element is control.

The control that a Master exercises over his or her property may vary. For some, particularly when they are beginning their M/s journey, the control over the slave may develop incrementally, with the Master adding elements of control over a period of weeks, months and even years. If an experienced Master and slave are coming together, the initial control may be much more complete. The important point is that some degree of control is an absolute necessity. Without it, a Master/slave relationship simply does not exist.

I began my Master/slave journey with slave marsha by assuming control over certain aspects of her life. When we began this journey, both of our experiences were grounded in SM, and not M/s. I cannot say that at the beginning of this journey I had an epiphany that revealed to me that the only way to succeed at this was to go slowly, adding control in increments. I simply felt that assuming control slowly was the best way, and the way that felt most comfortable for me. Today, six years after beginning my M/s journey, I control all aspects of my slave’s life. Some days that control is operationalized by making very detailed decisions over what she can and cannot do. On other days, the control is exercised at a much more general, or higher, level. But regardless of how the control manifests itself on any given day, I and slave marsha both know that she is my property, and subject to complete control.

In leather,

Master Jim

:: 9:03 PM [+] ::
...

It's all about socks.

slave marsha’s blog entry about her search for my preferred sock-type is a very enlightening piece on service. When service is discussed, the reference often is to the slave’s need to serve and the master’s need to be served. I firmly believe that service is an essential part of a Master/slave relationship and that it is incumbent upon masters to provide service opportunities for their slaves. While identifying service opportunities or service tasks for the slave is not difficult, identifying the form that service should take to enhance and maintain a Master/slave relationship is more difficult.

Prior to beginning my Master/slave journey, I was a very self-sufficient person. I took care of myself and had no problem doing the day-to-day tasks that we all must do. While I did not reject the idea of having service provided to me, I also saw no need to be waited on. I have not really changed and still do many tasks myself. The idea that owning a slave frees one from all task-oriented activity is simply false. For example, I cook because I like to cook, I take out the garbage if the trashcan is full and slave marsha is involved elsewhere because I do not like a messy house, I go for coffee and a paper in the morning because I like to get out of the house early. The reality of service is that there are only 24 hours in a day, there is only so much a slave can do, and masters do many things for themselves. Having a slave means that I have a person who obeys my directives and improves the efficiency of my household and it is my choice as to how that is accomplished..

So what does service look like in my Master/slave relationship? I have a very broad view of what constitutes service and I believe that a master should take advantages of the strengths of his or her slave when determining what service will be provided. slave marsha works outside my home in a very demanding profession. I define her work as service to me and, in fact, she begins each workday with the following affirmation:

“Everything i do today at work is service to You and i thank You, Sir.”

Since her research, organization, and communication skills are excellent, much of her service revolves around managing my household and calendar. I have her handle most of my correspondence, prepare outlines of my M/s presentations, plan all aspects of my travel, and coordinate my calendar. she also is a very intelligent, well-educated, and well-read person who often serves as my traveling companion. slave marsha definitely does many of the day-to-day errand and cleaning activities necessary to run a household; however, I also employ a cleaning service to clean my home and a yard service to cut my grass, not because slave marsha cannot do these things, but because I have her doing other tasks that are a higher priority to me and that I cannot find others to do. The bottom line is that a slave’s service is defined by what the master wants and needs and not by some mythical concept of what service should be. If those needs are to have the house cleaned, grass mowed, and car washed, then that is how service is primarily defined; if those needs are centered on organizing and managing the master’s household and schedule, then that is how service is primarily defined; if those needs are a mixture of both, or take on some other form entirely, then that is how service is primarily defined.

In the end it is all about the socks, or finding the perfect hotel, or drafting an appropriate email, or maintaining the yard, or editing a book, or cleaning the toilet, or __________ (you fill in the blank). It is service that is essential -- not the form that it takes. And yes, I was very pleased with my socks.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 2:31 PM [+] ::
...

On today's service...

Some days as a slave are definitely more exciting than others. Today is definitely not one of the exciting days for me.

All of our greatest M/s porn novels depict slaves doing wonderful, erotic stuff, on what seems like an hourly basis. The Owner is always there, to mete out appropriate praise or punishment or SM (all erotic, of course). Generally, great sex follows. Pretty exciting service. Pretty exciting life.

What service did i offer today? Basically, it boiled down to this: i found socks. Yes, socks. Not just any socks, though. The perfect socks. The socks my Owner loves above all others and has been looking for in vain. Let me tell you, these socks are not easy to find. i was thrilled. i bought 6 packages. Yes, slaves tend to overdo things from time to time.

Now, i'll admit -- my Owner was very happy that i found the socks and He told me so. Nevertheless, i regret to report that although i was delighted i found the socks in question, and He was delighted i found the socks in question, i did not experience any erotic reaction. In other words, no wetness ensued from this particular service. i will not be whipped (erotically or otherwise) as praise for this service. Nor do i expect great sex to follow from this service. (Of course, the fact that my Owner is gay and i'm a dyke gives a whole new twist to the role of sex in a Master/slave relationship.)

But this is what it really is like to serve. It's about the little things, about always looking for something that will make your Owner's life better. Maybe one day it's great socks. Maybe another day....

i always wonder about the slaves who say their every moment as a slave is drenched in eroticism, that they get wet/hard from everything they do. my personal favorite was the slave who claimed to orgasm from cleaning the toilet. i felt inadequate for days after hearing that, never having come close to orgasm from that particular activity. The reality of slavery is that maybe it starts out that everything is an erotic adventure, but eventually, you find that you're doing something like... buying socks... and *gasp* -- it just isn't erotic.

And that's okay.

Because really, at the bottom of it all, it's not about us as slaves and how erotic the service may make us feel. When it happens (and it does happen), it's a bonus. What living as a slaves is really about serving to the best of our ability. Whether or not we're praised. Whether or not the Owner is there to see. Whether or not SM or sex results.

No, my day wasn't very exciting. But tonight, before i go to sleep... i'll know that He has socks. Lots of socks. Because i served Him today.

And that will be enough.

--slave marsha

:: 8:42 PM [+] ::
...

I am not sure whether this blog-based chronicle of my Master/slave relationship will generate many, some, or relatively few comments from me. I am by nature a very private person; however, the creation of this blog represents a very important point in a Master/slave relationship. Many believe that in an M/s relationship, all important thoughts and ideas come from the person in control, namely, the Master. In my experience, nothing could be further from the truth. I encourage slave marsha to provide me input on many different matters. She approached me with the idea of creating this blog. In fact, she approached me weeks ago with the idea. The fact that I finally agreed to its creation is not the result of a nagging slave, for she does not do that and I would not tolerate it if she did. Rather, it is a decision based upon solid information provided by slave marsha as to the potential benefits such a blog might offer to both myself and my slave, as well as others who are interested in M/s relationships. In my opinion, slaves should be treated as valuable resources. The value of individual slaves will depend on their own set of strengths, weaknesses, and skills. One of slave marsha's strengths is the ability to generate new ideas and approaches to communication. This blog is an example of that and an example of how a slave can be used in an effective and meaningful way.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 7:45 PM [+] ::
...

Well, here we go. Master Jim has agreed that i can create a blog where He and i can record our thoughts about Master/slave relationships -- ours in particular.

Let me start with what you, the reader (if any), won't find here. You won't find a day-by-day account of His life with me. He's just too private for that. You probably won't find any titillating descriptions of hot SM here. Or at least not too often. You probably won't even find daily posts from Him (or from me).

What will you find? You'll find discussion of real-life consensual Mastery and slavery. Not the always-hot, always-hard, always-wet description of M/s in our porn novels (bless 'em), but the real deal. The good and the bad of it. The fears and the joys.

You'll find edgeliving, the way it's practiced by Master Jim and me -- His slave.

So, here we go.

--slave marsha

:: 7:00 PM [+] ::
...