:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Sunday, June 22, 2003 ::

It's only pain...

i am not a masochist. People always seem surprised when i say that, as if being a slave is all or only about SM. The truth is, being a slave is only seldom about SM, and mostly is about a whole lot of other things.

But i do take a hell of a beating.

Confused? Join the crowd. Let me try to explain. For me, a masochist is someone who derives physical pleasure (usually sexual/erotic) from receiving pain. i don't. Oh, i like my sex a little rough as much as the next person -- maybe more than the average next person -- but do i get aroused or wet from a flogging or caning or paddling? No. Hence, my statement that i am not a masochist.

But i do take a hell of a beating.

If you read Master Jim's post below, you know that His SM work is important to Him. You'll just have to take me at my word when i tell you that when Master Jim engages in SM work, He works hard. His preferred means of working are heavy floggings and body punching on the back, shoulders and arms. For variety, He also utilizes temporary piercing and cutting. When He works, it hurts.

So why do i do it? Well, i could answer with the obvious -- i'm a slave, and i don't have the option of saying no. And that's true. But the deeper reason is this: taking pain from Him is service. It is an honor to be the vehicle through which He chooses to explore Himself and me. As Master Jim said, this is a part of our Master/slave journey.

When you aren't a masochist and you're required to take pain, fear looms large in your mind. You know those endorphins everyone talks about aren't really going to help you out all that much. A hard cock or wet pussy isn't going to distract you from the fact that someone is hitting you, hard. It's a scary place. i've found that if i let the fear take control, it hurts much more. So, i've looked for ways to control the fear... and one way that works for me is to recite a mantra. One that i often use goes like this:

i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me courage...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me strength...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me endurance...
i call on the spirits of the slaves before me to give me grace.

Over and over i say it, as the blows fall. In it, i find peace and the ability to serve.

Sometimes, i use this one:

The pain is only a reminder.
The pain does not own me.
The pain does not control me.
The pain is only a reminder.
Of His ownership and control.

That's what it's all about for me. The pain is not an end in itself, but rather is a means to an end. A reminder that Master Jim is my Master and Owner. That i have given up control, even the right to say no to things that hurt. And it is service, to Him.

Yes, i do take a hell of a beating.

my pleasure to serve, Sir.

--slave marsha

:: 12:31 PM [+] ::
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