:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Sunday, June 08, 2003 ::

Doors

Early on in my SM experience, a young woman who was wise beyond her years introduced me to the concept of doors. She said that if I continued to experiment with SM, that I might very well at some point go though a “door” and find that I had fundamentally changed, that I would want to make SM a regular part of my life and not something I just did occasionally. I honestly do not know if this person is still involved in SM at all, but I consider myself fortunate to have met her when I did, because she introduced me to some basic truths, and the idea of doors was one of them.

I now often refer to doors when speaking of SM, but more importantly when speaking of M/s. Mastery and slavery is a journey. We begin walking our path knowing very little about what we are doing. Sometimes the path is smooth and the way is easy. But sometimes on that path, we come to a door. To continue on the journey means going through the door. That door may be a new experience. It may be a new emotion. It may be a struggle in our M/s relationship. Whatever form it takes, a door in M/s involves growth and change.

Sometimes, it is relatively easy to step through the doorway in your path. Sometimes you can even open the door, decide you do not like what it on the other side, and go back to choose another path with a different door. But other times, you will face a door that opens only one way. To go forward means going through the door. And if you walk through it, you will never be the same. The first of those one way doors that I walked through many years ago was discovering SM. I liked it a lot. It was an experience that really turned me on. And at some point – although I couldn’t tell you exactly when -- I looked back and realized I could never go back through that door to the life I had before. SM had become a part of me.

Now that I am living as a Master with a slave, I continue to encounter doors in my journey. Some of them I pass through easily. But like my early experience with SM, some of the doors on my M/s journey only open one way – and they change my life. Let me offer one experience that may help clarify this.

There was a time early on in my M/s journey with slave marsha when it felt like I hit a wall. There were many different forces in my life at that time, many different events happening, and they all seemed to come down on me at once. I basically froze. Not only could I could not move, I did not know if I ever could exert my mastery again. I had run straight into a door that, in order to pass through it, required me to decide how much living as a Master really meant to me.

I stood at that door, frozen, for a long time while my M/s relationship hung in the balance. Finally, slave marsha had the courage to challenge me to open the door. She was afraid, afraid that she had lost her Master even though our journey had only just begun. But she stood up and challenged me. She asked where I was, where I had gone, what the hell had happened. And somewhere deep inside me, she found a spark, an ember and that ember began to grow and glow until the fire inside of me that drives me to live as a Master came back. When it did, I stood up and i grabbed her hair and forced her down to her knees and told her that I was back. With that act, I opened the doorway and stepped through. I faced who I was and what I wanted and I accepted it, despite the events around me that would have made it so easy to turn and walk away from M/s. Walking through that door caused a fundamental change in me.

That is what I mean by doorways. I can’t tell you which doorways you’ll face. Yours will be different from mine. But be certain that if you are walking the path of Mastery and slavery, you will encounter doors.

And so as I think about doors, I want to end this with a thank you. I know that she will more than likely never read this, and I know that I will likely never see her again.

For showing me that first door... Dawn, I thank you.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 9:18 PM [+] ::
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