:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Sunday, May 25, 2003 ::

Don't Panic -- He's in Control

Master Jim controls my life. i know that. He knows that. But i have to admit, there are some days when the control feels so tenuous, so... loose... that i doubt.

Master Jim and i have talked about this a great deal, as it is one of my struggles. i think slaves in general need more proof that we are controlled than our Owners need proof that they control us. Our owners know that if they command us to do something, we will do it, or if we don't, that they will correct or punish us. But as slaves, i think we can't help but wonder: will our Owner notice? Does our Owner care?

Control really is the thing that makes a M/s relationship different from all other adult relationships. For example, i am a femme dyke who adores butches. But i promise you -- no butch "controls" me when we're in a romantic relationship. In those relationships, compromise and negotiation are the rules of the day, not control.

Control is the hallmark of M/s. Turning over control of my life to another human being -- a flawed human being who i know will fail from time to time -- is the most frightening and joyful thing i've ever done. Handing over control doesn't make me feel weak -- it makes me feel strong. To say to a world that believes independence is all, "i am marsha, and i choose slavery, i choose to be controlled," is the ultimate freedom. i am free to choose differently. In that freedom, i choose to be a slave. i choose to be controlled.

And that's why i crave evidence of it and panic if i lose the feel of it. i need to know without a doubt that i am controlled. That i am a slave. That what i do means as much to Him as it does to me.

--slave marsha

:: 9:23 PM [+] ::
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