:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Monday, December 27, 2004 ::

Where Have We Gone...

As you may have noticed, it has been some time since Master Jim and i posted on this website. As is too often the case, life gets in the way of the things we want to do.

In early October, Master Jim was ill and in the hospital for a week. The doctors first thought He was having a stroke, and then suspected menengitis. Fortunately, it was neither of those things -- apparently, He had developed high blood pressure and then had a bad reaction to some medication He was given.

Then, just as He was released from the hosptial, Master Jim and i received word that His youngest son had committed suicide. As you might imagine, the past few months have been difficult and painful.

i followed all of that by developing a nasty strain of bronchitis that hung on for about 5 weeks.

The good news is, our M/s relationship again withstood what life could throw at it. For anyone who wonders, it is possible to work through very difficult times and not give up your identity as a Master or a slave. i'll admit -- there were a few times in the darkest part of the past few months when i wondered how we would hang on. But we did.

i am grateful to be owned, Sir.

And i hope that we will be able to return to our writing soon.

In service,
slave marsha

:: 9:26 AM [+] ::
...

When the Ceremony is Done

Some of you may have been wondering what happened at the ceremony at Thunder in the Mountains. Master Jim and i intended to write immediately after we returned, but life somehow got in the way. (Doesn’t it always?) So on behalf of Master Jim and myself, let me take a minute to bring those who are interested up to date.

The morning of the ceremony, Sunday, July 18, 2004, Master Jim and i arrived at the seminar room early. After setting up the altar, Master Jim and i walked around the perimeter of the room together, claiming the space and naming it sacred. By the time we completed those preparations, people were beginning to enter the room and it was time to begin. Master Jim and i were deeply touched to see how many people we knew had come to support us.

The first 45 minutes or so were spent in talking about basic cutting techniques and why ritual and ceremony are important in this Master/slave relationship. Then Master Jim reminded everyone that they were under no obligation to stay if they were not comfortable witnessing the upcoming ceremony. No one chose to leave. Master Jim then asked His man in service, ryan, to step outside and “stand vigil,” guarding the space.

And so we began the ceremony.

Master Jim stated the purpose of the ceremony: that it was intended to provide a way for me to acknowledge and release my fears, that i might know my place in His household. He called on the leather gods and the spirits of leathermen and leatherwomen who have gone before us for strength and help in the ceremony. i echoed His purpose, and called for help from the spirits of the slaves who have served before me and i called on the God who loves me, in the form of Ganesha. (In the Hindu tradition, Ganesha is the remover of obstacles and god of new beginnings.)

Then Master Jim ordered me to read my fears, aloud, to those in attendance. That was hard. Very hard.

When i finished, Master Jim took the paper onto which i had placed my fears and tore it into strips. Together, we burned the fears in a silver bowl that held sand from a place sacred to our leather family, the Chapel at Chimayo in New Mexico. As i watched the paper burn, i poured into that flame my fears, my tears, my anger and my shame at my failure to serve.

When the paper was nothing but ash, i reached into the bowl and crushed the ash into the sand. Master Jim then invited those who were bearing witness to join in the ceremony. He invited them to come forward and take some of the sand and ash mixture… to bear some of my fear. He asked them to take that fear away and to do with it as seemed right and proper to them.

One by one, the people in that room came to me at the altar. i handed each one a small envelope filled with the sand as I said to them, “Here are my fears.” One by one, the people in that room took my fears away, bit by bit.

To each of you who freely chose to bear a part of my burden, thank you. As a slave, i have nothing i can give you -- but know that you have my deepest gratitude.

When that was done, Master Jim said a few closing words and thanked everyone for their support. i don’t know about anyone else present, but in that moment, Master Jim and i truly felt the sacredness of that space. Quietly, people began to leave.

Master Jim then asked ryan to come back into the room. He and i hugged and then, together, we knelt before Master Jim.

The fear was gone.

************
Since that day, a number of people have let Master Jim or me know what they did with the sand i handed to them at the altar. Some of it has been scattered in the mountains of New Mexico, the spiritual land that calls so strongly to Master Jim. Some of it was scattered in the Garden of the Gods in Colorado, a place of sacred beauty. Some of it was placed in a private garden, where people Master Jim and I care for deeply celebrate Mastery and slavery every day. Some of it has been used to help grow and nurture a beautiful plant tended by one with a heart for service. Some of it has become the centerpiece of a personal altar, a daily reminder that from fear, we can find growth.


--slave marsha

:: 10:20 AM [+] ::
...

Regarding a Ceremony -- An Addendum to the Trapdoor Posts

i believe there is something about ritual and ceremony that speaks to all of us as humans. Whether or not we believe in God, the Goddess, Buddha, the Great Spirit, the Universe or any other "higher power," ritual and ceremony seem to resonate with almost all of us.

Rituals and ceremonies have been an important part of Master Jim's Master/slave relationship with me. He has used rituals and ceremonies to celebrate milestones in both His D/s and M/s relationships with me. He has used rituals and ceremonies to encourage both of us to keep traveling this path. He has used rituals and ceremonies to help me let go of things that were holding me back from more fully being His slave.

i don't intend to go much deeper into the role rituals and ceremonies play in this M/s relationship right now -- i hope Master Jim and i will do that in a future post. But i do want to add this "addendum" to what i wrote in the Trapdoor II post about things that can be done when the trapdoor opens beneath a slave's feet.

Master Jim and i will be presenting at Thunder in the Mountains this weekend in Denver. (i hope some of you will be there!) One of our presentations is entitled "There's Power in the Blood: Cutting as a Part of Ritual, Ceremony and Spirituality in Master/slave Relationships." The end of that presentation always involves a ceremony that includes a ritual cutting. The ceremony that we offer at the end of that presentation is always different and always relates to something that is happening in Master Jim's M/s relationship with me at the time.

As you might have guessed by now, Master Jim is designing the ceremony for Thunder to help me move past my trapdoor. It's called "A Ceremony of Transition and Opening for slave marsha -- Finding her Place." Through it, Master Jim believes i will find the certainty of my place with Him and will be better able to move on from my trapdoor experience.

But that's only part one of the whole Ceremony.

Because Master Jim and i do believe in some divine force, it shouldn't have come as a surprise to me that another group (in Amarillo, Texas) asked us to do the same presentation just about a month after Thunder. The ceremony at the end of that presentation will be part two of the whole Ceremony, and is called "A Ceremony of Integration." It will involve both me and ryan, Master Jim's man in Service. Through it, Master Jim will help to integrate the three of us in the path we follow together.

If you feel called to offer support to us for one or both of these ceremonies, Master Jim invites you to do so. If you're planning to attend Thunder, it would be an honor to have you bear witness to the ceremony. If you are not able to be at the ceremony physically, perhaps you could offer support in whatever way seems right to you in honoring your path and/or spiritual practice. The presentation at Thunder begins at 11:30 am Rocky Mountain time on Sunday, July 18, so the ceremony itself will likely begin around 12:30 pm Rocky Mountain time and will be done by 1:00 pm. If you do feel called to offer support to us in some way, and if you are comfortable sharing how you did it, Master Jim and i would be grateful.

May each of you be blessed on your Journey.

--slave marsha

:: 12:11 PM [+] ::
...

Trapdoors: What Do You Do When the Floor Drops Out From Under You (Part II)

If you’ve been reading this website over the past month or so, you know that i’ve been struggling with some issues – what i call the “trapdoors” that slaves may find themselves falling themselves falling through just when they least expect it. In my first post about those trapdoors, i said that i’d be back to talk about what we might do as slaves when we find ourselves plummeting through that trap door and the idea of being “safe” seems like a distant dream. Well, here i am. i can’t say that i’ve found any definitive answers, but let me share a few lessons that i learned from this experience, the hard way.

But before i get to the lessons, i need to say thank you, once again. Thank you to everyone who read that post and immediately reached out to me to say “you’re not alone.” i needed to hear that. Thank you to everyone who, to this day, still takes the time to ask, “How are you doing?” And most of all, thank you to my Owner, Master Jim. You reached down and pulled me out of the darkness.

So, you may ask, what can a slave do when he or she realizes the bottom has dropped out and the free fall has begun? Let me suggest that if we find ourselves in that position, we try to do the following three things:

1. Don’t panic: Remember the book by Douglas Adams, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?” Although i don’t remember too much about the plot (was there one?), i do remember that the words “DON’T PANIC” were inscribed in “large, friendly letters” on the cover of the Guide.

And there is the first lesson i learned. Don’t panic when you feel like you’re falling through the trapdoor. Don’t decide you’re not meant to be a slave and that you’ll rip off your collar, just as soon as you can find the key to the lock. Don’t throw up your hands and decide nothing can be done. All of which is easier said than done, i know… because of course, when it happened to me, i promptly panicked and made everything worse. But if you can control your panic, you’ll be in a better place to move on to the next suggestion…

2. Don’t “spin”: Even if you control that urge to panic, it’s so very easy to “spin” anyway. What do i mean by “spinning?” You know – it’s that awful place where your thoughts go around and around, over and over the situation, never finding resolution or a way forward. You feel like you’re on a never ending fall. And when you spin, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to keep from going right back to panicking.

While Master Jim was working on trying to stop my spin, He and i both happened to hear a radio piece on a school of psychotherapy called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, or CBT. (Of course i think “cock and ball torture” when I hear the initials “CBT” – doesn’t everyone?) In CBT, the focus is on examining your thinking patterns – your “automatic thoughts” – to see which ones are distorted and are causing anxiety. The idea is to identify the repetitive thoughts whirling around in your head that keep you from really addressing the situation.

Well, that certainly sounded like me in a spin.

Master Jim tried the CBT approach with me by having me very specifically identify the thoughts going through my head that were causing me to panic and to act out. Once those thoughts were clearly stated and out on the table, He could address them with me. And once that happened, i began to feel safe again. Which brings me to the third lesson i learned…

3. Talk with your Owner: We slaves seem to have a fundamental aversion to going to our Owners at the time we need them the most – when we are afraid and struggling. Too often, we see our struggles as failures when in fact, struggling is part of our growth. When we are struggling is exactly when we need the strength and support of our Owners. They own all of us – not just the good, but the bad and the ugly, too.

One of the things Master Jim has been doing that has helped me a great deal is to ask me regularly, “How are you feeling?” He is encouraging me to talk – which makes me feel much less alone and afraid and allows Him to catch many of those automatic thoughts before they put me into a full-blown spin. Slaves, we have to remember that our Owners, as fabulous as they are, are not mind readers. They will have a very difficult time helping us if we don’t talk with them and aren’t honest and open about our problems. (Of course, honest and open are different from whiney, demanding, critical, manipulative or disrespectful. But that’s a subject for another day.)

As you read these lessons, you may be saying to yourself, “This isn’t exactly rocket science, is it?” And you’d be quite right. It’s all pretty basic and obvious – but oh so difficult to remember when you’re falling through the trapdoor.

--slave marsha

:: 3:54 PM [+] ::
...

I Am Poly…But I Am Not Polyamorous

The recent discussion by the readers of this website about polyamorous or poly relationships seems to be missing one important consideration: what do we mean when we say we are polyamorous? As I read the various posts, I came to realize that I might not understand what people mean when they call themselves “polyamorous.” So I did a quick Google search and found a site with the following definitions of polyamory:

“A long-term, romantically committed, multiple partner relationship.”

“The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.”

“Means ‘many loves,’ and refers to relationship styles of responsible non-monogamy.”

There were many more definitions, but these examples give a flavor of what people may mean when they say they are polyamorous. These selected definitions and most others, while they vary, do have common components: the idea of multiple relationships (poly), coupled with love (amor) and usually sex.

Now I say enough extreme things already, so I will not use this post to stake out a position against love and sex, especially sex. Trust me – I am strongly in favor of sex and I really do not have anything against love, either. I will, however, challenge the common practice of applying the term polyamorous to Master/slave relationships when what is being described may be, I think, something quite different.

I currently have two people in service to me – slave marsha as my slave and ryan as my man in service. I also am negotiating with a third person, a boy. Recently, I was asked if I considered myself to be polyamorous. I responded that I do not. Why not? After all, I certainly am not involved in a traditional monogamous relationship. But my response was based on defining the term polyamorous in a way consistent with the common definition of the word – multiple relationships based on romantic love.

If you have been following the writings on this website, or if you have heard me and slave marsha speak, you will know that I do not consider romantic love to be the foundation of my Master/slave relationship. While some kind of love may very well be a part of a Master/slave relationship, as it is in my relationship with slave marsha, it is in no way a romantic love. So as long as there is a common assumption that being polyamorous means having multiple romantic relationships, I will not call myself polyamorous.

But what if we take the romantic love idea (amor) out of the definition of polyamorous, leaving us simply with the term “poly?” Using just the term “poly” (many) to describe my relationships certainly is more accurate.

But calling myself simply “poly” really is not enough. It seems necessary to replace the “amorous” with something to describe the kind of multiple relationships in which I live. And after thinking about what might accurately describe them, the answer came to me – and was quite simple. I have a “polyservice” relationship with slave marsha as my slave and ryan as my man in service. Service is the foundation of these multiple relationships, not love.

And so, for those of us in multiple Master/slave or other service based relationships, I offer the alternative concept of “polyservice” to describe what we do. In my case, it simply fits where polyamorous does not.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 9:43 AM [+] ::
...

Taking Out My Hammer and Nails... Fixing the Trapdoor


“Getting out a hammer and grabbing a handful of nails. Finding a tall ladder, climbing up and beginning to nail the trapdoor shut.”

Ah, if it were only that easy, if we Owners could nail the trapdoor firmly shut so that it would never open again. Unfortunately, we cannot do that and the trapdoors that cause problems for Masters and slaves will remain precariously balanced on their tripwires, ready to spring open, often when least expected.

As slave marsha says below… “It [the trapdoor] could be a word from your Owner that he or she is displeased with you. Maybe you are given an order to do something very difficult that you never thought you’d have to do. Or suddenly it seems as though everyone else is having fun while you only work. Perhaps you realize you feel completely alone, as though no one understands or supports you. Or perhaps your Owner, who also is very human, breaks a promise he or she made to you.” If these trapdoors cannot be permanently nailed shut, what can be done to avoid a slave tumbling and spinning into the dark emptiness that awaits?

It is easier to answer that question by first saying what should not be done. Sometimes the trapdoor opens as a result of an Owner doing something that proves difficult for a slave, something the slave has been unable to absorb and make right with his or her slave heart. In that situation, in my opinion, the Owner cannot and should not say, “If that is difficult for you, I promise I will not do it again.” In other words, the Owner should not remove the reason that particular trapdoor opened. While such an action might alleviate the slave’s concern for that particular problem, what actually occurs is the slave assumes control. And even if that control is unobtrusive, it likely will result in far more serious difficulties down the road.

Of course, if slaves were robots then we might get to a place where all of the Owner’s actions were accepted with a smile and simple “Yes, Sir!” If that were the case, then there would be no problem with trapdoors. But slaves are not robots, and I do not wish to own a robot slave. Instead, slaves are human and will continue to have human reactions to difficult situations. Tasks or orders from Owners might stretch a slave to the limit, and it is perfectly understandable that the slave may experience hurt, disappointment, and even anger in such instances. These are human emotions and I do not think they can be totally eliminated.

But while these very human emotions may not be eliminated, an attempt can, and should, be made to control them. It is in this realm of emotional control that I believe trapdoors can be at least partially closed, and the fall through those that remain can be cushioned.

In her post, slave marsha speaks of being “centered.” Centeredness is what will help close some trapdoors and will ease the fall through others. But what does it mean to be centered? To me, it means:

· knowing you are slave and accepting who you are;
· embracing the philosophy for the M/s relationship under which you live;
· knowing that your Master’s control governs your life;
· accepting that obedience is of primary importance;

And perhaps most important;

· realizing that while the principle of ethical ownership will not protect you from pain, it will protect you from harm.

How does a slave reach this place of being centered, where he or she knows, accepts and embraces what it means to be a slave? I believe each slave must find a “key” that unlocks that knowledge and acceptance in his or her heart. But what is that key? Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what the key is or where it find it. The key will be different for each person, and the search for the key is a personal quest.

It is that key slave marsha is seeking for herself, with my assistance.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 12:07 PM [+] ::
...

Trapdoors: What do you do when the floor drops out from under you? (Part I)


Falling through the trapdoor. You know the feeling – one minute everything is fine, your Owner is content, you’re happy being a slave, you feel like you have some idea of what you’re doing and how to do even better. Life is good. The next minute – whoosh! Emotionally, it feels like you’re falling feet first into a dark chute, gathering speed by the second, you don’t know where you are or where you’re going or how to get out of this. All you know is that it’s going to be a bumpy ride to a hard stop at the bottom. Wherever that is.

And yes, i speak from painful experience.

Why does this "trapdoor experience" happen to slaves? And what can we do about it?

In several of our presentations, Master Jim and i talk about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how it can help Owners and slaves understand some of the dynamics of their relationships. If you’re like me, you may have at least a vague memory of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy from that Psych 101 class you took in college – which you took because (a) the professor was cute; (b) you heard the professor was an easy grader; or (c) the professor was both cute AND an easy grader. Maslow posited that all humans are subject to certain needs, and that the most basic needs must be met before humans can move on to seek out the next level of need. He visualized this “hierarchy of needs” in the shape of a pyramid. At the base of the pyramid is the most fundamental human need, the need for food, shelter and clothing. Just above that need in the hierarchy is the need for safety and security. Above safety and security are the need for love and a sense of belonging, the need for self esteem and respect from others, and finally, at the top of the pyramid, is the need for “self actualization” – that is, to be the most full and complete person you can be, to fulfill your life's purpose. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy, if you’re scrambling for food and shelter, you’re probably not too worried about finding your soul mate.

i am absolutely convinced that one of the most critical issues in Master/slave relationships is the slave’s need for safety. Why? Because by virtue of stepping into a Master/slave relationship, i no longer have a “safety net.” No longer do i have the right to demand that Master Jim change something because i find it difficult or frightening. No longer do i have the right to demand information from Him. No longer do I have control over my life.

Scary stuff. So, perhaps it’s not too hard to understand that it may not take much to cause a slave to believe that safety and security are only a distant memory and that the trapdoor has opened under his or her feet. And of course, all kinds of things can trigger the trapdoor. It could be a word from your Owner that he or she is displeased with you. Maybe you are given an order to do something very difficult that you never thought you’d have to do. Or suddenly it seems as though everyone else is having fun while you only work. Perhaps you realize you feel completely alone, that no one understands or supports you. Or perhaps your Owner, who also is very human, breaks a promise he or she made to you.

As slaves, we serve better when we are centered and secure. When we are safe in the knowledge of who we are and what our place in our Owner’s world is. But how do we stop the free fall slide through the trapdoor and down the chute? What can you do? What can i do?

You know something? i’m not sure i have an answer right now. Master Jim has been working hard to help me climb back out of my own personal, most recent trapdoor and to find my balance again, but i’m not fully there yet. So, with His permission, i’m trying something different with this post – i’m going to stop here, leaving the question on the table. You can bet that over the next few days, i’ll be thinking about the issue of what to do the next time i feel that trap door opening. i hope that i’ll come up with some thoughts to share in a second post on what we slaves might do when we find ourselves plummeting through the trapdoor.

And now, a final comment to my Owner, Master Jim:

Sir, thank You for not slamming the trapdoor behind me… and for reaching down and pulling me out, once again.

--slave marsha

:: 4:18 PM [+] ::
...

Zen and the Art of slave Maintenance

I own and, more importantly, I ride a Harley-Davidson Road King. I love that bike and I exercise great care in maintaining it. I make sure that all service is done on the bike at the suggested mileage intervals. I check the oil, tires, cables, and other mechanical parts. Since I am not a “gearhead,” I let those with expertise perform the necessary service on my bike, but I make sure that I only place my bike in the hands of experienced professionals. Fortunately, a very detailed owner’s manual came along with the Harley, and there are qualified service technicians at Harley dealerships around the country. As a result, maintaining the bike in top running condition is relatively easy.

I believe that many owners of slaves can easily relate to my interest in maintaining my bike. I also believe that many owners may fall into the same trap that I sometimes fall into, a trap that leads us into thinking that a slave does not require the same attention to maintenance that a motorcycle might require. I can speak from experience and tell you that indeed is not the case. Slaves also require maintenance and care. The problem, of course, is that no owner’s manual comes with a slave, nor are there any “slave dealerships” scattered across the country where you can go into the service department and either ask how to have a problem fixed, or to have expert “slave technicians” address whatever needs fixing.

If you neglect your bike by not changing the oil, or replacing worn parts and frayed cables, there will come a time when you find yourself sitting by the side of the road next to your bike. Similarly, if you neglect to address problems your slave may have, if you fail to provide direction, if you become uninterested in development, or if you stop listening, you will at best find yourself sitting by the side of the road with an inoperable slave, and at worst, sitting by the side of the road, alone.

The major difference between motorcycle and slave maintenance is that mechanical problems associated with a bike usually can be pinpointed and fixed, whereas problems with a slave’s behavior, or more importantly, a slave’s heart, may be more difficult to identify, much less to resolve. On the other hand, the similarity between maintaining both lies in the Zen of it all. If you have read the book “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” by Robert Pirsig, you may already understand that last statement – but let me explain.

One theme in the book is that a bike is much more than the sum of its mechanical parts. While many people buy a bike and sit on top of it and simply ride, others become a part of that bike. Those are the people who become bikers. When you truly become a biker, you do not have to wait for a mechanic to tell you there is a problem; you already know the problem is there. And when you ride, you are not simply sitting on top of the bike – you are part of it. Likewise, while some who are in M/s relationships also simply “sit on top of the bike” and only look at the surface and exterior behavior of the slave, others become one with the slave and ultimately can sense when problems arise and adjustments need to be made.

I believe that becoming one with the person or persons you own, is an essential part of a long-term Master/slave relationship. Arriving at this Zen-like state of oneness does not provide anyone with general or specific instructions on how to fix a slave, but it will help you in identifying problems and will alert you when an interval of slave maintenance is needed. Then, as always, it is up to you to decide what needs to be done and what service needs to be performed.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 12:24 PM [+] ::
...

Slavery, Leadership and Personality – Some (Hopefully) Related Thoughts

Last week, a fellow slave wrote me to ask my advice on a difficult situation she is facing. Let me give you some background.

This slave has not been in service for very many months, and prior to entering her current service, she had been selected to lead an important committee in her local leather/SM community. Her Owner has permitted her to continue in that role as a part of her service. All is going well in her service, except for one thing: some of the committee members who identify as Masters or Daddies do not seem to know how to respond to her now that she is a slave in a leadership role. They seem to view the ability to lead as a “dominant” trait. In fact, according to this slave, one committee member recently informed her that she would get more cooperation if she adopted an attitude that was more “submissive.”

Whatever that means.

This slave asked me if i thought being a slave meant she had to give up leadership roles in the community. i’d like to share with you a little of what i said to her.

“i am a slave, yes. i am called to service, yes. Am i submissive? Not in your wildest dreams.

i told Master Jim about the comment made to you by your fellow committee member. He was furious that anyone would say that to a slave. i, of course, agree. What a load of complete and utter hogwash. As you absolutely know, you don't need to display a ‘submissive attitude’ toward anyone unless your Master instructs you to do so.

Now don’t get me wrong -- do we as slaves need to be mindful that our behavior in all situations reflects on our Owners? Certainly. Should we conduct ourselves in our leadership positions in ways that are professional and honorable and respectful of others? Of course. Should we in all things strive to bring honor to our Owner’s names? Without a doubt. But ‘adopt a submissive attitude?’ What does that mean, anyway?

Being a slave absolutely does NOT mean you cannot be a leader. To lead well, in my opinion, is to serve. You serve the greater goal that all are working toward. You serve your team and group by providing leadership. It's those who believe that leadership is some sort of power enhancer who have it wrong, not you.

So what do you do? Not an easy question. Change will not happen overnight.

For myself, i think i have to work on not taking this attitude personally. (And maybe this is something for you to work on, too.) It really isn't personal -- for those people who cannot see that slave and leader are not mutually exclusive, it isn't about marsha the slave -- it's about a perception that all slaves must be (fill in the blank). Submissive. Quiet. Pliant. Followers rather than leaders. Takers of orders rather than guiders of direction and policy.

So, we must slowly change that perception. It will be hard work. But it is up to those of us for whom leadership is a part of our service and slavehood to make change happen. We will have to learn to hold our temper and our tongues. But we also will have to learn to speak out, respectfully and firmly, when lines are crossed. We will have to be strong enough to stand our ground, with grace. As much as we might like to unleash on these people -- and heaven knows, i can ‘unleash’ like no one else -- that won't advance the cause of changing perceptions. We must find a way to be firm when faced with this attitude, but not destructive.

Part of the way we do that, i think, is for us to continue to become more and more comfortable with who we are, so that our conviction in our calling as slaves is unshakeable. There's something about that kind of... call it energy, call it presence, call it aura... that even the most clueless seem to notice.

i think we also change perceptions by speaking out, as we are permitted to do so. We can speak out to those who make comments like ‘all slaves must be submissive.’ We must speak out to those men and women who are just beginning to explore service or who are just beginning to explore the concepts of Ownership and being served. We have to be the example. i don't know about you, but sometimes the responsibility seems overwhelming.

May we find the grace to lead in service and to serve as we lead.”


***************************
i’ve been thinking about what i wrote to this slave quite a bit over the past few days. i firmly believe that slaves, with the permission of their Owners, can hold leadership positions in the community. i firmly believe that leadership can be a way in which to serve, if it is done with the right heart. i firmly believe that slaves can be people who we would otherwise describe as “dominant” personalities.

So let me also take a look at a part of the other side of this issue – if all slaves are not submissive, are all slaves dominant?

i’ve heard people I like and respect make blanket statements about slaves that go something like this: “Slaves are the most dominant people around.” And truthfully, it’s wonderful to hear someone say something like this, in public, as an antidote for the picture we are too often presented of the “slave as doormat.” (Or as another person once told me, “Slaves are non-participating members of the household.” i never did understand that definition.)

But i don’t think it’s true. All slaves are not dominant.

i think the big mistake we make in our community is to try to define “slave” as a set of personality traits – slaves are submissive, slaves are dominant, slaves can’t make decisions for themselves, slaves are inherently good at making decisions for others, slaves are leaders, slaves aren’t leaders, or whatever. The truth is, there probably is some slave out there who fits each and every one of these traits and any others we could come up with.

In my opinion, being a “slave” is not about having particular personality traits. It’s about being called – called to obedience and service. If you look at those who are called to religious service in whatever faith or spiritual practice you might choose to consider, you’ll find people with all kinds of personalities. Dominant. Submissive. Leaders. Followers. Introverts. Extroverts. Big picture thinkers. Detail oriented folks. People who are calm and self-possessed. People who are fiery and emotional. i believe the same is true of slaves – we come in all personality types and all kinds of physical bodies and all genders and all sexual orientations.

We are united by this – we are called to obey and serve.

If our community will stop defining “slaves” as a personality type, i think it will solve a lot of the issues around whether it’s proper for a slave to do this or that. If, instead, a “slave” is a fully functioning human with a unique set of personality traits, talents and characteristics – none of which are limited by the fact he or she identifies as slave – what an amazing world of service opens up! And then, rather than focusing on whether we have the right personality to be a slave according to someone’s definition, we can focus on what called us to this life in the first place – obeying and serving as best we can, according to the wishes of our Owners.

May we each find the grace to be true to who we are as slaves, so that we may obey and serve.


--slave marsha

:: 11:08 AM [+] ::
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Thanks for Your Patience

Thanks to all the readers of this blog for your patience as Master Jim and i didn't post for quite some time. As you know, we were working on South Plains Leatherfest -- and that just made posting here an impossibility.

Hopefully, we'll be back on a more regular schedule of posting now.

--slave marsha

:: 2:20 PM [+] ::
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The Pursuit of Perfection

As a slave, i want to be perfect. i want my service to be flawless, all the time, every time. i want to anticipate Master Jim’s needs and desires and always make them appear exactly at the right time and place.

And i know that will never happen in this lifetime.

As slaves, we live in a strange world. Perfection is the goal – but we know it is unattainable. Yet we have to keep trying to achieve it. Does that sound futile to you? Or crazy? Let me try to explain why I don’t view it as either one.

First of all, I think we have to try to understand what we mean by “perfection.”

Perfection isn’t a static, never changing concept when you’re in a Master/slave relationship. In fact, what constitutes “perfect service” may change quite often – what is today’s perfect service may be tomorrow’s grave error. Today your Owner loves sushi, and it would be perfect to anticipate that he/she would like some for dinner. Tomorrow, after a bout with a bad batch of tuna, bringing your Owner a heaping helping of raw fish might get you, at the very least, a stern look. (Or a quick trip to clean the bathroom – again.)

Nor is perfection in your service something that is always completely within your control. No matter how experienced or how well trained you may be, much of your service will depend on things not wholly within your control – the availability of the desired fresh flowers for the table, your physical condition, whether someone bumps you just as you are pouring that drink, and on and on and on.

And of course, who’s to say what is perfect? me? i don’t think so. It’s up to Master Jim to decide whether my service is perfect. Perfect should be what pleases Him. What if it pleases Him to need to correct me from time to time, because that reinforces His identity as a Master? Does that mean imperfection can be perfection?

Whatever it means, i want to be perfect. More to the point, whatever perfection may be, Master Jim still expects me to try to attain it.

Now, this is where it gets really hard. How do we as slaves accept that we will never be perfect, all the while continuing to strive for perfection? How do we do it and not lose heart?

i’m not sure I have a “perfect” answer to this. But when i start to despair that I will never be perfect, i think about something Master Jim gave me. It’s a beautiful Japanese print, a drawing of Mount Fuji. Inscribed at the bottom of the print are the words, “Climbing the mountain… an inch at a time.”

That’s what i’m doing in my search for perfection – climbing the mountain an inch at a time. And sometimes, i become so intent, so focused on the inch in front of me, i forget to look up and around me and see how far i’ve come up the mountain. i may never reach the top… but i can get to places with a glorious view, nevertheless.

And then, i keep climbing. Because when it comes to being perfect, it really is all about the journey, and not the destination.

--slave marsha

:: 2:18 PM [+] ::
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Perfection: A Conundrum of Mastery and slavery

Perfection is not attainable; but by pursuing it, it may be attained.

I once was told by someone that they offered perfect and flawless service. Putting aside the reality that one in service cannot judge the quality of the service provided, let’s examine the idea of perfect service.

I accept that it might be possible to perform a task without flaw or defect: in other words, to perfection. For example, coffee might be served exactly as the Master requires. Correct temperature, perfect blend, absolute freshness and so on. It might even be possible to perform several tasks to perfection; however, the more tasks one adds, the greater the chance of an error. Even the smallest – a drop of coffee being spilled – denies perfection.

In my view, it is not possible to provide perfect service day in and day out. There are far too many factors, many outside of the slave’s control, that intervene. For those in service to me, perfection, except in small isolated tasks, is not possible.

What is possible is the performance of service with the right heart and spirit. Owners and Masters must accept the fact that mistakes will be made; but if the service is provided with the right heart and spirit, then what we have are honest mistakes that can be corrected. Correcting errors in service also provides the opportunity to monitor and assess the internal feelings and emotional state of the slave. Is his heart right? Is her spirit true? It is this internal work of slavery, and, in fact, Mastery as well, that is most the most critical and essential part of what I do.

After owning a slave for several years, I came to realize that perfect service itself was a distant second to having someone in service. This led to the realization that providing service and correcting service were in themselves tools to be used in the internal work of both Master and slave.

Being unable to attain perfection in service should not be a source of frustration for the slave, but rather a realization that the path of Mastery and slavery is a lifelong journey. Rather than despairing over the mistakes made, the slave (and the Master) can rejoice that it all is a part of seeking perfection in the internal work of Mastery and slavery. It is only by accepting the fact that we will always make mistakes, while continuing to strive to be the best Master or slave we can be, that we may actually attain the unattainable.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 9:33 PM [+] ::
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