:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Thursday, June 03, 2004 ::

Trapdoors: What do you do when the floor drops out from under you? (Part I)


Falling through the trapdoor. You know the feeling – one minute everything is fine, your Owner is content, you’re happy being a slave, you feel like you have some idea of what you’re doing and how to do even better. Life is good. The next minute – whoosh! Emotionally, it feels like you’re falling feet first into a dark chute, gathering speed by the second, you don’t know where you are or where you’re going or how to get out of this. All you know is that it’s going to be a bumpy ride to a hard stop at the bottom. Wherever that is.

And yes, i speak from painful experience.

Why does this "trapdoor experience" happen to slaves? And what can we do about it?

In several of our presentations, Master Jim and i talk about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how it can help Owners and slaves understand some of the dynamics of their relationships. If you’re like me, you may have at least a vague memory of Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy from that Psych 101 class you took in college – which you took because (a) the professor was cute; (b) you heard the professor was an easy grader; or (c) the professor was both cute AND an easy grader. Maslow posited that all humans are subject to certain needs, and that the most basic needs must be met before humans can move on to seek out the next level of need. He visualized this “hierarchy of needs” in the shape of a pyramid. At the base of the pyramid is the most fundamental human need, the need for food, shelter and clothing. Just above that need in the hierarchy is the need for safety and security. Above safety and security are the need for love and a sense of belonging, the need for self esteem and respect from others, and finally, at the top of the pyramid, is the need for “self actualization” – that is, to be the most full and complete person you can be, to fulfill your life's purpose. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy, if you’re scrambling for food and shelter, you’re probably not too worried about finding your soul mate.

i am absolutely convinced that one of the most critical issues in Master/slave relationships is the slave’s need for safety. Why? Because by virtue of stepping into a Master/slave relationship, i no longer have a “safety net.” No longer do i have the right to demand that Master Jim change something because i find it difficult or frightening. No longer do i have the right to demand information from Him. No longer do I have control over my life.

Scary stuff. So, perhaps it’s not too hard to understand that it may not take much to cause a slave to believe that safety and security are only a distant memory and that the trapdoor has opened under his or her feet. And of course, all kinds of things can trigger the trapdoor. It could be a word from your Owner that he or she is displeased with you. Maybe you are given an order to do something very difficult that you never thought you’d have to do. Or suddenly it seems as though everyone else is having fun while you only work. Perhaps you realize you feel completely alone, that no one understands or supports you. Or perhaps your Owner, who also is very human, breaks a promise he or she made to you.

As slaves, we serve better when we are centered and secure. When we are safe in the knowledge of who we are and what our place in our Owner’s world is. But how do we stop the free fall slide through the trapdoor and down the chute? What can you do? What can i do?

You know something? i’m not sure i have an answer right now. Master Jim has been working hard to help me climb back out of my own personal, most recent trapdoor and to find my balance again, but i’m not fully there yet. So, with His permission, i’m trying something different with this post – i’m going to stop here, leaving the question on the table. You can bet that over the next few days, i’ll be thinking about the issue of what to do the next time i feel that trap door opening. i hope that i’ll come up with some thoughts to share in a second post on what we slaves might do when we find ourselves plummeting through the trapdoor.

And now, a final comment to my Owner, Master Jim:

Sir, thank You for not slamming the trapdoor behind me… and for reaching down and pulling me out, once again.

--slave marsha

:: 4:18 PM [+] ::
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