:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::
A periodic account of edgeliving as practiced by Master Jim and slave marsha, including their thoughts on M/s relationships and a calendar of their speaking engagements:: Tuesday, June 07, 2005 ::
How in the World Did *This* Happen?
People email me on a fairly regular basis, asking questions about my Master/slave relationship with Master Jim. i’m happy to answer, because it gives me a chance to talk with others who are interested in living in these kinds of relationships and it helps me to remember that i’m not alone. (Unfortunately, because of the press of my service and schedule, i can’t always answer quickly, but people are nearly always wonderfully understanding about the time lag.)
One of the most frequent questions i get is some variation of this one: “Okay, let me see if I understand this. Master Jim is a gay leatherman. You’re a leatherdyke. He’s your Owner. You’re his slave. How in the world did *this* happen?”
Okay, i’ll try to answer that.
Let’s start at the very beginning – why do people in our leather/SM community do what they do? Why do they seek out leather/SM? If we listen to the greater leather/SM community, the most common answer we’ll hear is…. sex. Or sex and SM – which for many is essentially the same thing. (And i have no problem with that view.) There is a wide spread belief in our community that sex is at the heart of what we do and that it’s sex that mostly drives our interest in SM and Mastery/slavery. Even the pre-eminent organization for protecting the rights of our leather/SM community is based on this idea – after all, it is called the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF).
But if you start with the assumption that what we do is based first and foremost on sex, you’re going to have a great deal of difficulty understanding how my M/s relationship with Master Jim happened.
In order to understand, you’ve got to start with an entirely different set of assumptions. What i do with Master Jim is based on service and obedience. Not sex. Not gender. Not sexual orientation. Not SM. Not romantic love. Just service and obedience. i don’t need someone to be a particular gender or sexual orientation in order to obey them. And i don’t need to be romantically in love with someone in order to serve them.
But there are some things that i do need in order to be content in a Master/slave relationship. i need someone who is willing and able to take responsibility for all parts of my life, and someone who is fulfilled by taking on that tremendous responsibility. i need someone who is willing and able to control me. i need someone who wants to be served, and who is able to accept service from me and correct it when it falls short of what it should be. i need someone who wants to use that absolute control over me to help me develop as fully as possible into a slave whose whole focus is on obedience and service.
So back to the initial question -- how did *this* happen – how did Master Jim and i end up together in this relationship? Take another look at my list of needs. None of those needs depends on gender or sexual compatibility. The person who provides me with those things could be any combination of genders and sexual orientations.
It just so happens that in this life, the Divine chose to provide for my needs through a gay leatherman.
One day, i was somewhat frustrated with Master Jim. (i know, i know – not a very slave-like attitude.) i don’t even remember why i was so frustrated, but i do remember what i said to Him: “Sir, in my next life, i’m going to serve a butch woman!” He paused a moment, looked at me and smiled just a little. Then He said, “And what makes you think that butch woman won’t be me?”
After i got past the mental image of Master Jim as a butch (actually, it was kind of hot!), i realized He was really on to something. The things that make Him the right Master and Owner for me have nothing to do with His gender and sexual orientation. Once you truly get your head around that concept, it isn’t so difficult to figure out how a gay leatherman and a leatherdyke ended up as Master and slave.
The spirit that is Master Jim is the right counterpart for the spirit that is slave marsha.
And that’s the answer.
--slave marsha
:: 2:16 PM [+] ::
...
Comments:
If there is anyone who could will His way into reincarnation in chosen form, it would surely be Master Jim...grin...
i think your comments bring up a very big elephant in the living room that often gets ignored in polite discussion- that of the romanticism of slavery.
Fictional exposure to slavery is generally the first that newcomers to service experience. With the notable exception a few writers, it is often full of cliches, most of them centering on heterosexual male dominants wooing -and then subduing- lovestricken females. The damsel in distress captured by the handsome pirate is a typical example.
Later, of course, you read more, and learn more, but it can be hard to shake that first romantic vision of slavery stemming mainly from power exerted from the depths of true love.
i believe that the chances of finding the right person to serve are slim enough as it is, and like you, i fully believe that the right person is not necessarily going to be one who is sexually compatible or in love with you. In fact, the chances of either or both are probably quite slim.
i know that i have battled that very notion, although i think my personal daydreams of romantic love for my master exist for a different reason. i am not ready to forever surrender the notion of a romantic love, but at the same time, i know that i am not the sort of person who would be capable of sustaining devoted slavery to one, and a love-based partnership with another (assuming it would even be permitted).
i simply cannot imagine having to parse out equally intense but vastly different emotional committments to two different people at once. The thought of it is terribly intimidating.
i would say that the continuing hope/need/desire i have for romantic love is probably one of -if not the- biggest obstacles in my path to pursuing slavery and service with an unwavering committment.
The trite answer is, of course, that it will happen if you want it badly enough. Which of course, leaves me with the unsettling possibility that i don't- something that feels like failure, and which i don't want to admit just yet. (And yes, i know it isn't really failure, but it's hard to suppress that feeling.)
Well, i've rambled on and on, but this topic is both clinically interesting and personally close to heart for me.
And i'm glad Master Jim and yourself have turned on the comments.
smile
i think your comments bring up a very big elephant in the living room that often gets ignored in polite discussion- that of the romanticism of slavery.
Fictional exposure to slavery is generally the first that newcomers to service experience. With the notable exception a few writers, it is often full of cliches, most of them centering on heterosexual male dominants wooing -and then subduing- lovestricken females. The damsel in distress captured by the handsome pirate is a typical example.
Later, of course, you read more, and learn more, but it can be hard to shake that first romantic vision of slavery stemming mainly from power exerted from the depths of true love.
i believe that the chances of finding the right person to serve are slim enough as it is, and like you, i fully believe that the right person is not necessarily going to be one who is sexually compatible or in love with you. In fact, the chances of either or both are probably quite slim.
i know that i have battled that very notion, although i think my personal daydreams of romantic love for my master exist for a different reason. i am not ready to forever surrender the notion of a romantic love, but at the same time, i know that i am not the sort of person who would be capable of sustaining devoted slavery to one, and a love-based partnership with another (assuming it would even be permitted).
i simply cannot imagine having to parse out equally intense but vastly different emotional committments to two different people at once. The thought of it is terribly intimidating.
i would say that the continuing hope/need/desire i have for romantic love is probably one of -if not the- biggest obstacles in my path to pursuing slavery and service with an unwavering committment.
The trite answer is, of course, that it will happen if you want it badly enough. Which of course, leaves me with the unsettling possibility that i don't- something that feels like failure, and which i don't want to admit just yet. (And yes, i know it isn't really failure, but it's hard to suppress that feeling.)
Well, i've rambled on and on, but this topic is both clinically interesting and personally close to heart for me.
And i'm glad Master Jim and yourself have turned on the comments.
smile
# posted by 
: 11:07 PM
: 11:07 PM
I just found this blog due to you both giving a talk on BRC next tuesday. Although I will not be attending it, I came to check this out. M/s relationships have been part of my life for many yrs now. Although this topic has hit home with me in more ways.
I was a slave to one man for many yrs. Due to reasons beyond my control I was released. During that time, I found it hard to be slave again until a few yrs ago. Before I met him I had issues with sex, although I thought I knew why. This relationship was to be built on service, not sex at first.
After a while, it turned out to be more sex, and my issues with sex became a huge problem. I started to feel like a failure in my submission, cause I had a hard time dealing with how much sex he wanted from me. It seemed that the service wasnt what it was about anymore as long as I performed sex when he wanted.
In Nov of last yr I ended up in the hospital, in CCU it about killed me, and for some reason it woke me up at the same time. After spending four days on my death bed, and another five days in a medical induced coma, I came to and slowly understood what I was lacking in the relationship.
After my release from the hospital a week later, I returned home to my then Master. I couldnt perform sexually due to problems while in the hospital. At first it wasnt to bad, although when it started to become sexual again I had real issues with it. Master wouldnt let me do anything in the house, although he would let me give him sex, which he knew I had problems with.
A few months later *and still recovering I might add* I couldnt handle it anymore. So I asked for my freedom. Since then I have found that its not all sexual with me its more service. I own a male slave, which he has been mine for three yrs now. To this day, we have never had sex. I am not gay, neither is he. Although he understood what was going to be expected of him when I took him. He knew it was going to be a non sexual relationship from the start.
I think if and when I ever submit again I might just find someone who is Gay *male wise that is* Someone who understands what a Master/slave relationship is about. Well maybe not, although I will make it very clear that its about service. I have been submissive to another and was very happy *I was not collared to him ever* Although during my time with him we never had *sex* To this day, he has my respect and though I am not submissive anymore I still give him the respect in which I feel he deserves.
Thank you so much for posting this, I just wish it had come alot sooner for me.
Wishing you both well
I was a slave to one man for many yrs. Due to reasons beyond my control I was released. During that time, I found it hard to be slave again until a few yrs ago. Before I met him I had issues with sex, although I thought I knew why. This relationship was to be built on service, not sex at first.
After a while, it turned out to be more sex, and my issues with sex became a huge problem. I started to feel like a failure in my submission, cause I had a hard time dealing with how much sex he wanted from me. It seemed that the service wasnt what it was about anymore as long as I performed sex when he wanted.
In Nov of last yr I ended up in the hospital, in CCU it about killed me, and for some reason it woke me up at the same time. After spending four days on my death bed, and another five days in a medical induced coma, I came to and slowly understood what I was lacking in the relationship.
After my release from the hospital a week later, I returned home to my then Master. I couldnt perform sexually due to problems while in the hospital. At first it wasnt to bad, although when it started to become sexual again I had real issues with it. Master wouldnt let me do anything in the house, although he would let me give him sex, which he knew I had problems with.
A few months later *and still recovering I might add* I couldnt handle it anymore. So I asked for my freedom. Since then I have found that its not all sexual with me its more service. I own a male slave, which he has been mine for three yrs now. To this day, we have never had sex. I am not gay, neither is he. Although he understood what was going to be expected of him when I took him. He knew it was going to be a non sexual relationship from the start.
I think if and when I ever submit again I might just find someone who is Gay *male wise that is* Someone who understands what a Master/slave relationship is about. Well maybe not, although I will make it very clear that its about service. I have been submissive to another and was very happy *I was not collared to him ever* Although during my time with him we never had *sex* To this day, he has my respect and though I am not submissive anymore I still give him the respect in which I feel he deserves.
Thank you so much for posting this, I just wish it had come alot sooner for me.
Wishing you both well
# posted by : 4:27 AM
: 4:27 AM
mouse...
i'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties. i don't know that i have any answers for you except to say that you are not alone. However alone you may feel, however lost, there are other Masters and slaves out there who understand what you feel.
i can understand your thoughts on leaving the community all together. i hope you don't, because i think you have a great deal to contribute. But if you do, please know that we'll be here waiting for you, if you choose to return.
It's difficult for me to really understand how you're doing from an email, but please... take care of yourself and get any help you need. There are lifestyle friendly counselors in San Francisco and M/s groups as well that might help you with your grief and healing. Please don't hesitate to reach out.
my thoughts are with you.
In service,
marsha
slave to Master Jim
Post a Comment
i'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties. i don't know that i have any answers for you except to say that you are not alone. However alone you may feel, however lost, there are other Masters and slaves out there who understand what you feel.
i can understand your thoughts on leaving the community all together. i hope you don't, because i think you have a great deal to contribute. But if you do, please know that we'll be here waiting for you, if you choose to return.
It's difficult for me to really understand how you're doing from an email, but please... take care of yourself and get any help you need. There are lifestyle friendly counselors in San Francisco and M/s groups as well that might help you with your grief and healing. Please don't hesitate to reach out.
my thoughts are with you.
In service,
marsha
slave to Master Jim
