:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Monday, October 08, 2007 ::

What’s in a Name: Submissive v. Slave? [Part 1- The Disclaimers]

If you’ve been in the leather/SM community for more than 5 minutes, you’ve probably been on an email list, visited a website or sat in a group where someone asked the fateful question:

“What’s the difference between a submissive and a slave?”

And after you’ve seen the question argued, hashed out, discussed thoughtfully, flamed, revisited, beaten into the ground, answered from a perspective of personal experience, answered by people who have never had ANY experience, and generally looked at from nearly every conceivable angle….

Well, your first reaction is to cringe when someone asks it one more time. At least, that’s my reaction.

But it shouldn’t be. The question really is an important one.

I know there are lots of people out there who will disagree with me – because the first answer that’s always given/posted to the question of what is the difference between a submissive and a slave is something like, “What does it matter? Why do we have to label everyone? Why can’t we just be who we are?” I’m sympathetic to that approach, I really am. But for me, a huge part of living as a slave is discovering and defining and understanding who I am – and doing that is going to require using words to describe and yes, to “label” me. It means understanding how I am similar to others – and how I am different. Remember – “different” doesn’t mean “less” or “worse.” It simply means “not the same as.”

At the end of the day, for my journey as a slave, I need to be able to explain (if only to myself) what I view as the difference between that identity in the leather/SM community known as “submissive” and the one known as “slave.” In fact, I actually believe that for those of us who identify as submissives/slaves/boys/bois/girls (and any other variation I left out), engaging in an honest and thoughtful examination of what makes us different can be a unifying experience. Because as we identify those areas where we are different, we also will identify those areas where we are the same. And at the end of the discussion, if we’ve been “generous” in the way we listened and spoke, and did it with the goal of understanding ourselves better, my bet is that we’ll find we have more in common than we think --- and that we can be comfortable with, even supportive of, our differences.

Of course, what I have to say about the difference between a submissive and a slave is not holy writ, not the last word, not revealed wisdom, and possibly not even “right” (whatever that means). What I will share are simply the definitions Master Jim and I have formulated, to help us make sense of our own Master/slave journey. If something I say helps you, great! Use it, with blessings. If nothing I say speaks to you, not a problem. Develop your own definitions, ones that work for you. The important thing is to be able to speak your truth when someone asks you, “Who are you and why do you do what you do?”

So with that, and some trepidation, I’ll move to Part II: Defining the Terms. Wish me luck, and a flame free post!

--slave marsha

:: 12:18 PM [+] ::
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