:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Thursday, September 29, 2005 ::

Back to the Basics – The Use of Language in M/s Relationships

Maybe it’s the water, the heat of the lingering Texas summer, or nocturnal visits from Carl Jung (don’t ask), but it seems that I have gotten off on a philosophical tangent in recent postings. Don’t get me wrong -- I enjoy deep and esoteric discussions about various aspects of Mastery and slavery. But I also am adamant that one cannot stray too far from the basics without experiencing problems in M/s relationships.

While I am not a micromanager in my M/s relationship, I firmly believe that I need to pay attention to the details. The detail I want to address in this post is the language of Mastery and slavery, or what I refer to as the “I, We and Our Syndrome.” By that I simply mean that in order to have M/s relationships that grow and thrive over the long run, I believe it is important to pay attention to the language of the Master and the language of the slave.

Any time we talk about the basics of a consensual Master/slave relationship, it is necessary to remind ourselves that the only reason these relationships exist is because we believe they exist and because we act in accordance with that belief. No Western society, no law, creates or enforces consensual M/s relationships. Instead, in order for these relationships to exist, they must be fully accepted philosophically, mentally and emotionally by those in the relationship. We must believe that we are Master and slave and not just that we play a Master or slave role. We must believe that whatever principles of ownership are in place do, in fact, mean that a slave is owned. One of the ways in which I and my slave act in accordance with that belief is through the language used in this Master/slave relationship.

Language is a fundamental part of all of our lives and relationships. Through language, we communicate and define our relationships. The names we use to speak of others, the words we choose to describe our connections, and the tone and inflection of our speech all speak volumes about the relationship both to us and those around us.

Since my Master/slave relationship with slave marsha is not based on the concept of an equal partnership, I believe the language I use and require in the relationship should support that concept. In other words, the language used should reinforce the M/s relationship, rather than reinforce society’s concept of a partnership.

One area of language I have found that particularly impacts the way I and slave marsha view this Master/slave relationship is her use of certain pronouns. For example, her use of the pronoun “I,” even if is lower cased, implies ownership by her. The use of “we” and “our” can be seen to imply a partnership between the two of us. So, when slave marsha uses these pronouns a bit too frequently, I caution her about the “I, We and Our Syndrome.” In contrast, avoiding these pronouns seems to help slave marsha keep her focus on who she is and what makes this relationship different, further supporting the M/s dynamic.

Let me be clear: I am not suggesting that there pronouns be eliminated from a slave’s vocabulary, or that a slave use the third person in speech (a practice I personally find cumbersome and annoying). Instead, I have found it useful to simply be aware of the extent to which theses pronouns are used by my slave, as a barometer of how fully she and I are living what we believe about Mastery and slavery. But how much use is too much? Clearly, it is up to the Master to determine what level of use of these pronouns is acceptable – and for me, that level may well change depending on the surrounding circumstances.

In addition to the “I, We, and Our Syndrome,” let me identify a few other “basics” I believe are important to require in the language of a slave:

* Avoid expectations in language (statements like “I thought that…”);

* Avoid whining and complaining in language and tone;

* Whatever is said, say it with respect.

Pretty obvious stuff, but like so many obvious things, not always easy to do.

So far, I have only addressed the need for the slave to be careful with language, but in fact, the Master must be mindful of language as well – both the slave’s language and his or her own. A Master who speaks too often in terms of “we and our” in connection with a Master/slave relationship makes it more difficult for the slave to be mindful of language, and also may find him or herself beginning to view the M/s relationship in ways that do not support the dynamic. Other language basics for a Master include:

* Avoid whining and complaining in language and tone;

* Learn to speak with control, and avoid losing your temper.

Of course, as with all things Master and slave, there is no precise formula or set of rules to govern the language of the relationship. Each relationship is unique, and the language used in each relationship will be unique to it. All I can do is offer are some general guidelines, some cautions, and some thoughts on what is for me, a “basic” in my Master/slave relationship.


In leather,
Master Jim

:: 10:59 AM [+] ::
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