:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Thursday, September 28, 2006 ::

Below is the text of the keynote speech that I and slave marsha recently co-delivered at Folsom Fringe 2006. The parts we each presented are prefaced by our names in [brackets].

In leather,

Master Jim

The Road Goes Ever On: A Master/slave Journey

[Master Jim] I and slave marsha are honored to be the keynote speakers at this year’s Folsom Fringe -- especially this year, as you join the International Master/slave family of contests with the Northwest Master/slave Contest.

The theme of Folsom Fringe this year is “Get Your Kicks at Folsom ‘06” – which of course is a play on the 1940s song sung by Nat King Cole – “Get Your Kicks On Route 66.” For those of us mature enough to remember the days before interstate highways, Route 66 – beginning in Chicago and ending 2,400 miles later in Santa Monica -- always represented the open road and the freedom to travel. On Route 66, the destination wasn’t nearly as important as the fact that you were on an amazing journey across the U.S.

[slave marsha] The concept of “journeys” is an important one to us as leatherpeople and as Master and slave. The idea that we each are on a journey as we explore leather or SM or Dominance/submission or Master/slavery is one of the things that we all hold in common, that unites us as a community. Because no matter who you are in the SM/leather community, no matter how you identify, no matter which part of the community you call home, we each have been and are on a journey.

Everyone’s journey in this community is different, and each of our experiences will be unique. It’s much like two people riding side by side on their motorcycles – even though they’re riding on the same road, at the same time, each person will see different things, feel different things, remember different things – they will have a different journey. (You’ll find that as Harley riders, we use motorcycle references whenever we can!)

[Master Jim] So we asked ourselves: if our journey in this community is unique to us, and our journey really is all that we can speak about, what could we say about that journey that would be useful – and hopefully interesting – to all of you?

In the end, all we can do over the next few minutes is share some of the parts of our Master/slave journey and the things that we’ve learned from it with you, and we hope that something we say in some way speaks to you.

[slave marsha] So where do we begin a journey? At the beginning, of course. And whenever we talk about the beginnings of our journey into Mastery and slavery, we think of the poem by Robert Frost that many of you probably know, “The Road Not Taken.” The poem goes like this:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


[Master Jim] Just like the traveler in the poem, one day we stood at that fork in the road, that place where we each had to decide whether or not to explore the interest – maybe even the longing – we had in leather and SM. We had to decide whether or not to take the road less traveled.

For me it began in the 1980s as a bottom. I had no connection with leather, but I knew that the thought of SM was very exciting to me. I found a person – a much younger woman – to top me and I experienced SM for the first time. After two or three sessions, she looked at me, and with wisdom beyond her years said, “You do know that if you keep on this SM path, you will soon reach a door. And if you cross the threshold you will never want to go back.” To be honest, at that time I probably hadn’t reached that door, but I knew I did not want to go back even then.

Not too long after beginning and experiencing SM, I began seeking instruction on the top side. While I very much enjoyed the sensation of pain – and still do today – I felt more comfortable working from the top than from the bottom. I wanted to become skilled. I wanted to acquire equipment. And most of all, I wanted to find bottoms.

On into the 1990s I continued the process of developing my skills. During that time, along with many others I was introduced to the Internet and soon discovered an active on-line community of like-minded people. Soon after that was when my path crossed that of slave marsha.

[slave marsha] For me, it began (as I suspect it did for many of you) in an Internet chat room. I lurked in the room for a while, “watching” and “listening” to people talk about things I had only half imagined. Although I had taken one or two very long looks down the road less traveled already – I had read SM101 and a friend had gifted me with my first pair of handcuffs – I was a long way from really starting my journey. I didn’t really understand any difference between SM and Dominance and submission, or how I might find a place for myself in this world.
But eventually, I found my courage and typed in a single question – my first real step on the road less traveled. I asked: “What is this thing called submission?”

I thought it was a pretty good question. It was met with absolute silence.

Except for one response, that went something like this: “If you’re interested, I would be willing to talk with you about it.” You guessed it – that was Master Jim.

From there, my pace down the road quickened. I became Master Jim’s mentee and his bottom in a pure SM relationship. Several months later, together we began to explore Dominance and submission. Finally, a year or so later, Master Jim and I stepped onto the path of Mastery and slavery.

I have been on the road less traveled now for over 11 years, with almost 9 ½ of them spent as Master Jim’s slave.

[Master Jim] So what do our stories of how we began our journeys mean for you? Perhaps some of you here today are still standing at the fork in the road. Maybe Folsom Fringe is your first time to venture into the leather/SM community. Maybe you are excited – and afraid. Maybe you feel a tremendous relief to discover that you are not alone in what you think and feel. But maybe you don’t really know yet whether you want to step out on this road. You don’t know if this is the right path for you.

Or maybe some of you have already traveled a far distance down the road. Maybe you have seen your community change – sometimes for the better, and sometimes, you think, for the worse. Maybe you’ve worked hard for this community, and you’re tired. Maybe you’ve seen too many of your leather family pass on before you.

[slave marsha] Wherever you are in your journey, we ask today that you join us in remembering your beginning. Remember when you stood at the fork in the road. Remember that taking that fork has made all the difference.

But please -- remember your beginning honestly. You don’t have to have been trained in a European house of domination or have been kidnapped by a group of hot Old Guard masters who whisked you away to serve as a slave in order to remember and share where you began.

One of the greatest gifts we longer time members of the community can give those just starting out on the road is to tell them how we started – to help them understand that being in this community truly is all about the journey, that experience doesn’t come overnight, and that EVERYONE is a beginner at some point.

And one of the greatest gifts the newer members of the community can give the rest of us is helping us remember that sense of wonder and amazement – that feeling of finding “home” in this community, even as we knew our journey was only beginning.

[Master Jim] So now you know the beginning of our journey into leather and Mastery and slavery. I’d like to tell you that ever since then, our journey has been smooth and uncomplicated. I’d like to tell you that as the Master, I have always known which direction to take, and have always chosen our path with great wisdom and deliberation. I’d like to tell you that the spirits of the Masters who have gone before me have guided my steps, casting light along my path, each step of the way.

I’d like to tell you all those things. But if I did, the guardians of the secret European House of Dominance where I received my training would come and take away my Master’s certification.

[slave marsha] Going on a journey is a dangerous thing – especially a journey that may call on us to change the way we see ourselves.

So as I walk my path of slavery and leather, I look to a wide variety of sources for the wisdom I need. Not too long ago, as I was rereading “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, I stopped at a particular paragraph – one that I know I must have read 15 or 20 times over the course of my life. But this time, I read it with new eyes, thinking about my journey – and in it, I found great wisdom. The paragraph will be familiar to many of you – in it, Frodo is relating to the other hobbits Bilbo’s thoughts on journeys and what he called “The Road” -- and I think it offers something for us, today. Frodo says:

“[Bilbo] used to say there was only one Road; that it was like a great river: its springs were at every doorstep, and every path was its tributary. ‘It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,’ he used to say. ‘You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.’”

[Master Jim] How true. When I stepped out onto “The Road” of leather and SM, I never intended to become a Master. And yet, the Road – or was it the Universe -- took me there, first as a top, then as slave marsha’s mentor and Top, then as her Dominant, and finally as her Master and Owner.

Your road may be similar or it may be very different. Perhaps you began as a Top and are now walking the path as a submissive or slave. Or maybe you began as a slave and discovered that Mastery and slavery did not speak to you and you are now honing your skills as a leather/SM bottom. There is no one way… there is no mapped out travel plan. One journey is not better than another. What is most important is being open to who you are.

So you’re on the Road, you’ve left Chicago – after seeing the Leather Archives and Museum, of course – and you have your sights set on California. It’s a long journey. Will you be the same at the end? Even when you think you have found your identity – Master or slave, Top or bottom, Dominant or submissive, boy, girl, puppy or pony, you simply have begun another phase of your journey. My relationship with slave marsha as Master and slave has changed tremendously as we have traveled the Road.

Shortly after I and slave marsha began our journey as Master and slave, I drafted a detailed, carefully thought out 13 page contract that I was very proud of. A few years later, much to my dismay, I found that my prized contract no longer fit the relationship, thanks to the fact that my slave-lawyer kept finding loopholes I it. I realized that because of where we were in our journey, a new contract was needed, one that in a few simple words would sum up the changes and growth that had taken place in this Master/slave journey. So I
drafted a new contract, the one that governs this relationship today. It is, quite simply:

[slave marsha] I will obey and I will serve.

Hard as I’ve tried, even I haven’t been able to find the loophole in that one.

Like Master Jim, I’d like to say that I have never lost my way as a slave. I’d like to say that once I entered into service, everything fell into place, I became perfectly obedient, and I never second guessed my choice to take the road less traveled. I’d like to say that I have never doubted Master Jim. I’d like to say that our path has been smooth and the way has been clear.

But if I did, those hot, butch leatherdykes who captures me long ago and carried me protesting into slavery would come back to haunt me.

The truth is, I have struggled as a slave. The truth is, no journey is complete without its struggles. People on a leather/SM journey stray from the path they started on. Sometimes they find a better one, one more right for them. Sometimes, they just lose the way.

[Master Jim] The truth – my truth and slave marsha’s – is that at times, this Master/slave relationship has been terribly off course. At times, it has hung by a thread. At times, it has been placed under such tremendous stress, it could have crumbled at any minute.

Over the past two years, I and slave marsha have been through nearly every stressful life event you can imagine. I faced a serious illness. My youngest son committed suicide at the age of 23. Our original leather family broke apart. I made the decision to allow slave marsha to enter into a committed lifetime relationship with a butch leatherdyke named Cougar – and I conducted a Union Ceremony for them in July. While that relationship is, I believe, a good thing, allowing it and adjusting to it has not always been easy.

Any one of these life events could have swept our feet out from under us. But we have stayed the course and continued our journey.

[slave marsha] If Master Jim and I set out on our Harleys to ride Route 66, we know that if we get into trouble, we likely can whip out our cell phones and call Harley Roadside Assistance – and someone will come and help us. If we get lost, we can stop and buy a road map to get us back on track. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), there is no Leather Roadside Assistance to help us when we break down on our leather/SM journeys.

From time to time, we have probably all heard about some group or person in the community who supposedly has “the map” – the one way to make our journey. Maybe it’s the “Old Guard” and its famed “Old Guard protocol,”… maybe it’s the author of some lifestyle book… maybe it’s some mysterious society that claims to “train” Masters and slaves in the old ways.

It would be wonderful, in some ways, if any of those people really had the map for our journey. But they don’t. The truth is that each one of us on our leather/SM journey must draw our own map. We have to find our own path. When the Road is dark and stormy, we have to find a way to get back up and go on with our journey.

And that, really, is the truth we want to share with you today – you have to be strong enough and brave enough and want to make the journey badly enough to get back up when you fall. Because fall you will.

They say there are only two kinds of people who ride motorcycles: those who have been down and those who are going to go down. I had only been riding a motorcycle a few months when I went down. (Don’t worry – I wasn’t riding the Harley at the time.) I was tagged in the rear by a car, and the impact sent me down across two lanes of oncoming traffic. I remember thinking, “Wow. It’s going to hurt when those cars hit me.”

Fortunately, they didn’t. As you might imagine, Master Jim hauled his bike over to the side of the road and ran to help me. After he got me and my bike off the road, he said he would ride home and get the car so I could drive home while he rode my bike back.
Let me tell you… I was tempted. I was terrified at the idea of getting back on that bike. But I knew that if I didn’t, I’d never ride again. So I said, “No, Sir. That’s my bike, and I’m riding her home.” And I did.

[Master Jim] Why should you get up and go on? Why not just step off of the Road? Well, if any of you have seen the movie “The World’s Fastest Indian,” you know the answer. The movie tells the story of Burt Munro, a New Zealander whose dream is to set the land speed record at the Bonneville Salt Flats on an old Indian motorcycle. A young boy asks him, “Aren’t you scared you’ll kill yourself if you crash?” Munro replies, “No… you live more in five minutes on a bike like this going flat out than some people live in a lifetime.”

If you follow the road less traveled long enough, you’ll go down, and more than once. There’s no shame in that. But get back up and go on. Adjust your course, if you need to. And live more in five minutes than some people live in a lifetime.

And as you travel, don’t forget to see the sights of our leather/SM community. By that I don’t mean doing a tour of dungeons across the U.S. -- although that’s not a bad idea. Nor does it mean attending a major leather event in every region -- although I’m sure you’re all planning to attend South Plains in Dallas in 2007. What I mean by that is -- get involved. Don’t just pass through the community – make the time to become a part of it.

One of the main reasons I and slave marsha are here at Folsom Fringe this year is to celebrate the fact that the board and members of smOdyssey have chosen to make the International Master/slave family of contests a part of their journey.

For those of you who don’t know, the International Master/slave Contest has been a part of the leather/SM community for many years. The contest and title had faded into the background over the course of the years, until the year 2000 when Master Steve Sampson and slave kirk took the first steps to bring it back to the attention of the community.

I always swore that I would never run for a leather title. But Master Steve – and my slave – are persuasive, and so in 2001, I and slave marsha ran for and won the honor of serving as International Master and slave.

[slave marsha] That title year was a challenge: physically, mentally and financially. Master Jim and I traveled 2 to 3 weekends each month, speaking around the country on Master/slave relationships. But through those travels, I learned how many others like me were out there on the road less traveled. Time and again, people came to us and thanked us for being there, because now they knew that they were not alone in this journey.

The travel hasn’t stopped, by the way. We continue to see the sights by visiting leather/SM groups and attending events like this one, to talk about our journey.

[Master Jim] After the title year ended, I looked for another way in which I and slave marsha could continue our support of the leather/SM and Master/slave communities. And so, I and slave marsha, along with our partner, Mark Frazier, obtained ownership of the International Master/slave title and incorporated it into South Plains Leatherfest. South Plains has become a national leather event, with a full track of SM seminars in addition to a full track of seminars focusing on Mastery and slavery. As a part of our ownership of the International Master/slave title, we worked first with Ms. Kendra from the Great Lakes Leather Alliance and Master Steve from the Southwest Leather Conference. Then, Master Scott and slavette from Together in Leather and Master Taino from the Master/slave Conference joined with us to establish a regional system of feeder contests to support the International title and to provide regional support to the Master/slave community. So until recently, we had 4 regions: the Great Lakes, the Southwest, the Southeast and the Northeast.

[slave marsha] And that brings us to today, the kickoff here at Folsom Fringe of the 5th region in the International Master/slave family, the Northwest Region, produced by smOdyssey.

We want to take a moment here to honor all of those in this region who have made this possible. Each of you has made the choice to not just travel through the leather/SM community, but to pause and “see the sights” the community has to offer, and to leave a bit of yourself behind for future travelers.

Being an active part of the leather/SM community can be infuriating and exhausting. Our community, sad to say, is too often beset by petty quarrels and people who care more about their own notoriety than about the good of the community. But being a part of it can be an incredibly exhilarating, rewarding and rejuvenating experience as well. So as you journey on your road less traveled, don’t hesitate to see the sights and get involved in your community.

So here we are in California, north of the end of Route 66. Where do we go from here? Reaching the end of Route 66 does not mean the end of the journey, of course, any more than Master Jim and I have reached the end of our Master/slave journey.

We have gained experience, made new friends, lost loved ones, established new relationships, discovered ourselves, got lost, and then rediscovered ourselves knowing that something was different. We have felt pain, happiness, joy and sadness. We have laughed and we have cried.

But we haven’t finished our journey. We’re still living it – just as each of you is doing no matter who you are or what path you are walking.

[Master Jim] After all… the road is just beginning… the journey never ends….
It really is about the journey, not the destination.

And so I will close our time together today with the words of Bilbo Baggins in “The Lord of the Rings,”

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.


We wish you all an amazing journey.

:: 10:48 AM [+] ::
...

Is your heart right?

I received an email from a slave who asked:

“i am curious if you would share you philosophy on how you handle situations where slave marsha isn't necessarily in the right "headspace" as i call it. As relationships evolve, slavery deepens, there are times when the slave isn't doing well, whether it is reacting in fear, or other issues that affect the focus and direction of the slave.”


What the slave in the email refers to as headspace, I call "having the right heart." If I give slave marsha a directive or observe her in some interaction and feel that she is having some difficulty, I will often put my hand on her chest over her heart and ask..."Is your heart right?" The meaning is simple: are you acting from the place of obedience and are you doing so because you want to not because you have to as a slave.

No matter how long a Master/slave relationship exists or how deep it goes there will be times when the slave does not have the right heart or, if you prefer, is not in the appropriate headspace. Instances of not having the right heart may be isolated and short-term, or they may be prolonged. As to what I do, as always, it depends on the situation.

If it is an isolated case where slave marsha simply might be overburdened at work, not feeling well, or is distracted in some way, it may be a matter of more focus on the part of the slave and a simple reminder might be all that is needed.
.
On the other hand, if the matter is more serious and has resulted in an extended period of her heart not being right, then more work is necessary in order to find out the nature and extent of the problem. Is she reacting in part from fear? Has she lost a degree of trust? Is she angry, hurt, feeling lost?

Once the reason for her heart not being right is identified, the next step is to find out the cause of the feelings? Many times, after the slave tells you what the problem is, the cause is self-evident. The master/owner might have been going through a difficult period and have been distracted for an extended period. He may immediately realize this after talking with the slave. At other times, the cause may not be as evident. At those times I will often go back to my philosophy or code of ethics to see if they point the way to the cause of the problem. For example, one element of my philosophy is providing direction for the relationship. If slave marsha is feeling lost it may be because I have not been providing the needed direction.

After the problem is recognized and the cause is identified, then the situation can be addressed. If we are dealing with the slave’s heart not being right as a result of behavior or actions of the slave, a corrective action that serves to remind the slave to pay attention to her heart over a period of time might be needed. On the other hand, if the cause relates to the master’s behavior, he may have to right himself and, using the example from above, reestablish direction, before the slave can begin getting a “right heart.”

As with all Master/slave issues, there is no blueprint for action or a canned response that works in all cases. Whatever is done, the keys are communication, investigation, assessment, and application. Equally important is the recognition that losing the right heart or headspace does not mean a person is a bad slave. These are natural occurrences that must be dealt with as part of the Master/slave journey.

In leather,

Master Jim

:: 3:37 PM [+] ::
...

Whips and Chains: Necessary, But Not Sufficient

I am wondering where you began your M/s, D/s, leather or SM journey? I think many of us in the M/s community today began with a primary focus on BDSM. My first tentative steps involved compiling a bag of equipment. I took great pride in going through the contents of that bag with willing bottoms, watching with great joy their interest, surprise and even shock at some of the items therein.

As did many others, I began to hone my SM skills first with paddles, floggers, clamps and cuffs. Later, I moved on to needles, scalpels and staple guns. Somewhere along the way, I developed a curiosity about D/s and then M/s. As time went on, I realized to my surprise that my interest in M/s was becoming my primary focus. That is not to say that SM was not important, but only that it had become a part of a much larger, more complex whole.

As I have recounted here before, my first discussions about M/s were with slave marsha. There was no one else to talk with. The few leather events that existed at the time at best might have one panel discussion on M/s. In fact, one of the first of these panels that I attended was made up entirely of members not currently in M/s relationships and at least two of the panel members stated they no longer had any interest in M/s!

Today, those of us who live as Masters and slaves have a growing community open to us. There are numerous events that focus on Mastery and slavery, and many of those that do not focus on it nevertheless offer a significant number of seminars on M/s topics. As a result, we now have gone far beyond "M/s 101" and are discussing the deeper issues that surround living as a Master and a slave. As an example, at South Plains Leatherfest-International Master/slave Weekend 2006, I and slave marsha offered a seminar entitled "If You Meet the Master on the Road, Kill Him!" This was a new seminar that focused on the philosophical underpinnings of a M/s relationship -- and even though we included some practical elements on structuring and maintaining a M/s relationship, it was much more theoretical than our usual offerings and I was not sure how the audience would respond to it. Much to my surprise, the seminar was well received.

So where does that leave us? As an M/s community are we now at a point where we should move M/s out of the dungeon and into the rarefied area of Aristotelian discourse? Where the only pain that is experienced is the headache we get from trying to understand each other's discussions?

I hope that those of you who have listened to myself and slave marsha speak or who have read the posts on this blog already know the answer. And the answer is -- no. There is no question that I enjoy discussing the abstract issues surrounding M/s with my fellow travelers. But I also need to discuss the practical aspects of ownership, obedience, discipline and punishment. I have always believed that it is important to understand why we are walking this path, but it is exceedingly important that we understand the different ways of how to walk it.

I plan to continue talking about and presenting on the philosophical aspects of Mastery and slavery. In fact, I may even do more of that than I have in the past. However, my pledge to you is that I and slave marsha will always incorporate practical concerns in our discussions. We will not tell you how to do things, but we will share with you what we have done and listen to your experiences.

In the final analysis, I believe it is accurate to say that while whips and chains may be necessary, but not sufficient, it is equally true that philosophical understanding is absolutely essential, but not enough.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 2:53 PM [+] ::
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