:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Tuesday, March 29, 2005 ::

The Only Constant is Change

To those of you who are, or were, regular readers of this blog, I and slave marsha apologize for the absence of posts. In the clear view of hindsight, the best course of action would have been to close the site for a period of time rather than simply allow the pages to gather dust. Since we did not do that, I hope readers will tolerate the lack of posts here and on the discussion group. I do hope that this new posting will be the beginning of what once was the “regular irregularity” of our writings.


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How many times have you said: If I can only get(insert your choice here) a new job, a raise, a new house, a new car, a better trained slave, or a fully-equipped dungeon, I’ll have it made. It seems to be the human condition that we live our lives in pursuit of some ideal end state. Yet the reality is that at least in this physical life there is no end state; instead, we experience constant and continual patterns of change. As we grow and mature our bodies change, as we are exposed to formal and life education our minds change, and as we walk with others our relationships change.

Most of the time we are fortunate and the changes we experience are slight and very subtle. Wrinkles etch our faces over decades and not weeks, the knowledge needed for life and careers is gathered formally and informally all of our lives, the skills needed to successfully master or serve are acquired as one walks the path of Master and slave. But there are times when change is sudden and absolute.

On October 9, 2004, I and slave marsha faced one of those sudden and absolute changes when a call came at 9:00 p.m. informing us that my youngest son was dead. Only now, five months later, can I begin to see the impact the loss of my son’s life had on me, slave marsha, and those close to me. Although we did go on, I can now say that our lives were shattered at the instant of the 9:00 PM call. If I think of it now, I see a large, clear picture window being hit by a brick. On impact, the glass shatters, leaving sharp and jagged edges where only moments ago there was a smooth, shiny surface. At the moment that call came, our lives were shattered and forever changed -- but I could not and did not realize that until later.

In the days that followed, I began asking myself the question of whether I could continue the Master/slave journey, whether I could continue to be Master and Sir to those who served me. While my answer to the question always was “yes,” I now realize that what I felt intellectually was not what I was exhibiting in practice. I knew in my mind that I could still walk the path of mastery, but those around me, slave marsha, my man in service ryan, boy alex, and Madame, with whom I shared boy alex, were left adrift without much guidance or interaction from me while I tried to find my way back.

I believed both those in service to me and other Masters who I consulted and talked with during this time when they said the struggles I was having were understandable. They said “don’t be too hard on yourself,” “give it time,” and “you need to heal and recover.” Their words of solace and advice were accurate. The healing offered by time was needed by both me and slave marsha particularly. Yet, during the early days and even well into the healing process, I now know that I was not living up to the responsibilities I accepted when I took others in service.

There has to be a way a Master and Sir can keep his or her relationships alive and strong during even the most devastating life changes. By saying this I am not by any means saying that I expect Master and Sirs to be all powerful and that they must somehow rise above all loss, never suffering or letting the grief and pain of loss affect them. What I am saying is that no matter what happens, Masters and Sirs, and for that matter, slaves and those in service, must never lose sight of who they are. Their touchstones must remain in place so even if they become distracted, at some level, they continue to be who they are and what they were meant to be.

I believe that I and slave marsha have emerged from the darkness. We have walked through the fire and both the bonds we have and the identities we live have been forged stronger. Experiencing the death of one so young brings everyone’s mortality into sharper focus. We have experienced a devastating loss, we have experienced a monumental change. I have found that seeing the loss as a fundamental change permits me to accept and understand it.

The only constant in life is change. Many changes we experience in our lives are ones we have no direct control over. In order to walk the chosen path of M/s, it is critical that we accept that changes are inevitable. If we are true to who we are, we will continue our journey, stronger and more committed as a result of the change. Recognizing the elemental nature of change – that the only constant in life is, in fact, change -- I hope will better enable me to deal with changes in the future. Most of all, I hope this understanding will help me keep my mastery in better focus, as well as my understanding of the needs of those in service to me.

In leather,
Master Jim

:: 4:57 PM [+] ::
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