:: Edgeliving: Master Jim and slave marsha ::

:: Monday, April 12, 2004 ::

Slavery, Leadership and Personality – Some (Hopefully) Related Thoughts

Last week, a fellow slave wrote me to ask my advice on a difficult situation she is facing. Let me give you some background.

This slave has not been in service for very many months, and prior to entering her current service, she had been selected to lead an important committee in her local leather/SM community. Her Owner has permitted her to continue in that role as a part of her service. All is going well in her service, except for one thing: some of the committee members who identify as Masters or Daddies do not seem to know how to respond to her now that she is a slave in a leadership role. They seem to view the ability to lead as a “dominant” trait. In fact, according to this slave, one committee member recently informed her that she would get more cooperation if she adopted an attitude that was more “submissive.”

Whatever that means.

This slave asked me if i thought being a slave meant she had to give up leadership roles in the community. i’d like to share with you a little of what i said to her.

“i am a slave, yes. i am called to service, yes. Am i submissive? Not in your wildest dreams.

i told Master Jim about the comment made to you by your fellow committee member. He was furious that anyone would say that to a slave. i, of course, agree. What a load of complete and utter hogwash. As you absolutely know, you don't need to display a ‘submissive attitude’ toward anyone unless your Master instructs you to do so.

Now don’t get me wrong -- do we as slaves need to be mindful that our behavior in all situations reflects on our Owners? Certainly. Should we conduct ourselves in our leadership positions in ways that are professional and honorable and respectful of others? Of course. Should we in all things strive to bring honor to our Owner’s names? Without a doubt. But ‘adopt a submissive attitude?’ What does that mean, anyway?

Being a slave absolutely does NOT mean you cannot be a leader. To lead well, in my opinion, is to serve. You serve the greater goal that all are working toward. You serve your team and group by providing leadership. It's those who believe that leadership is some sort of power enhancer who have it wrong, not you.

So what do you do? Not an easy question. Change will not happen overnight.

For myself, i think i have to work on not taking this attitude personally. (And maybe this is something for you to work on, too.) It really isn't personal -- for those people who cannot see that slave and leader are not mutually exclusive, it isn't about marsha the slave -- it's about a perception that all slaves must be (fill in the blank). Submissive. Quiet. Pliant. Followers rather than leaders. Takers of orders rather than guiders of direction and policy.

So, we must slowly change that perception. It will be hard work. But it is up to those of us for whom leadership is a part of our service and slavehood to make change happen. We will have to learn to hold our temper and our tongues. But we also will have to learn to speak out, respectfully and firmly, when lines are crossed. We will have to be strong enough to stand our ground, with grace. As much as we might like to unleash on these people -- and heaven knows, i can ‘unleash’ like no one else -- that won't advance the cause of changing perceptions. We must find a way to be firm when faced with this attitude, but not destructive.

Part of the way we do that, i think, is for us to continue to become more and more comfortable with who we are, so that our conviction in our calling as slaves is unshakeable. There's something about that kind of... call it energy, call it presence, call it aura... that even the most clueless seem to notice.

i think we also change perceptions by speaking out, as we are permitted to do so. We can speak out to those who make comments like ‘all slaves must be submissive.’ We must speak out to those men and women who are just beginning to explore service or who are just beginning to explore the concepts of Ownership and being served. We have to be the example. i don't know about you, but sometimes the responsibility seems overwhelming.

May we find the grace to lead in service and to serve as we lead.”


***************************
i’ve been thinking about what i wrote to this slave quite a bit over the past few days. i firmly believe that slaves, with the permission of their Owners, can hold leadership positions in the community. i firmly believe that leadership can be a way in which to serve, if it is done with the right heart. i firmly believe that slaves can be people who we would otherwise describe as “dominant” personalities.

So let me also take a look at a part of the other side of this issue – if all slaves are not submissive, are all slaves dominant?

i’ve heard people I like and respect make blanket statements about slaves that go something like this: “Slaves are the most dominant people around.” And truthfully, it’s wonderful to hear someone say something like this, in public, as an antidote for the picture we are too often presented of the “slave as doormat.” (Or as another person once told me, “Slaves are non-participating members of the household.” i never did understand that definition.)

But i don’t think it’s true. All slaves are not dominant.

i think the big mistake we make in our community is to try to define “slave” as a set of personality traits – slaves are submissive, slaves are dominant, slaves can’t make decisions for themselves, slaves are inherently good at making decisions for others, slaves are leaders, slaves aren’t leaders, or whatever. The truth is, there probably is some slave out there who fits each and every one of these traits and any others we could come up with.

In my opinion, being a “slave” is not about having particular personality traits. It’s about being called – called to obedience and service. If you look at those who are called to religious service in whatever faith or spiritual practice you might choose to consider, you’ll find people with all kinds of personalities. Dominant. Submissive. Leaders. Followers. Introverts. Extroverts. Big picture thinkers. Detail oriented folks. People who are calm and self-possessed. People who are fiery and emotional. i believe the same is true of slaves – we come in all personality types and all kinds of physical bodies and all genders and all sexual orientations.

We are united by this – we are called to obey and serve.

If our community will stop defining “slaves” as a personality type, i think it will solve a lot of the issues around whether it’s proper for a slave to do this or that. If, instead, a “slave” is a fully functioning human with a unique set of personality traits, talents and characteristics – none of which are limited by the fact he or she identifies as slave – what an amazing world of service opens up! And then, rather than focusing on whether we have the right personality to be a slave according to someone’s definition, we can focus on what called us to this life in the first place – obeying and serving as best we can, according to the wishes of our Owners.

May we each find the grace to be true to who we are as slaves, so that we may obey and serve.


--slave marsha

:: 11:08 AM [+] ::
...